Island of Embarrassment
by Reverberating Winds
Summary: Lenalee and Allen are thrilled to hear their lastest mission will be in the Island of Echantment, Puerto Rico. They look forward to sand, sun, and pina coladas, until Kanda is forced to come along. Incomplete.
1. Chapter 1

**The Island of Embarrassment**

For those of you on my author alert list, I will be posting a Bleach story soon. I'm into D Gray Man right now, so I will have to write more of it!

No, DGM is not mine.

* * *

Allen and Lenalee skipped out of the Order's gates, elbow locked, laughing and swinging their suitcases around like idiots. They were beyond eager about the new mission they were assigned, because it was taking place in an island in the Caribbean, the island of 'enchantment', Puerto Rico. Lenalee and Allen were excited, because they hoped to catch some sun and get a tan. Along with that, the two dreamed of piña coladas—virgin of course—and sandy beaches with ice cream and palm trees. The charm of the Caribbean would be at its peak, as it was mid May and the plants were thriving in the late spring warmth. They were extremely excited about the mission, and Allen hoped to pick up some Spanish while there. It would be strictly limited to alcoholic drinks, foods, and beaches, but the thought of learning a new language made Allen expectant and curious. This would be the best mission ever, and he couldn't wait to get to Puerto Rico.

Alas, their team mate was not at all looking forward to their mission. Yu Kanda was not the type of person to enjoy anything involving sand, sun, and fun. No, he wouldn't enjoy anything except for soba noodles and tormenting innocent people, such as Allen, because Kanda is Kanda and no one can change that. And for this reason, he was unsmiling and rather gloomy as he stalked behind the skipping duo ahead of him.

"Ohmigod!" squealed Lenalee, jumping around. "We're going to an island! That's going to be great! Will we see dolphins and weird island stuff?"

"I don't know, but wow, I can't wait to enjoy the coconuts and pineapples and piña colada!" Allen exclaimed, with a little laugh. "We're going on an adventure, haha!"

Kanda felt his stomach churn as his anger rose. The laughter was annoying him to the point where he was near jumping off the cliff.

"Yes, bean sprout, we're going on a mission." Kanda spat, glaring at him. He was close to throwing the suitcase at Allen as hard as he could, in hopes of giving him permanent brain damage or something. Then again, a severe concussion would be acceptable…anything to put him out of commission for at least five minutes would satisfy Kanda.

"It's a fun mission! We're going to meet up with Lavi there, too!" Allen said, looking over his shoulder to meet Kanda's glare with his cheerful gaze. "Wow, I bet he's thrilled about meeting all the cute Latinas!"

This comment brought a smack upside the head for Allen and pulled a snicker from Kanda as he walked past the ailing Allen. Lenalee was giving him a lecture about respect for women…not that Allen needed it. He was sweet and social with anyone and everyone.

"So, are we starting off in the United States, Mexico, Africa, Europe, or—"

"Good question." Lenalee said with a shrug. "I think we're flying to the Bahamas and then going by boat, so we'll be low profile."

"Flying?" Kanda said with a raised eyebrow.

"Duh, by airplane." Lenalee replied with a wave of her hand. "It'll be cool. Have you ever flown before?"

"No." Kanda replied, perplexed. "Why would I? I had my family's slaves bring me here—"

"It's even more fun that walking!" Allen exclaimed. His smile would be frozen in place if he didn't drop it soon. "You feel nauseous and dizzy at the same, but then you feel like laughing. Plus, they give you food and stuff." A dreamy look came over his face and his smile became relaxed and totally content.

"The food sucks." Lenalee added flippantly, running a hand through her hair quickly. Allen winced and sighed rather disconsolately. "But yeah, I think you'll like it, Kanda. It's more fun than—"

"If I hear that word one more time, I will hurt both of you." Kanda said under his breath. It was mainly to himself, but Lenalee heard it and gave an offended 'Hmph!'. It was epic fail, on Kanda's part. He had less tact than a rabid dog or a demented person. That is, if he had any tact at all. It was an enigma to all of them, but Allen had something planned that would embarrass Kanda enough to make him either kill Allen, blush, or say something interesting. Either way, Allen just wanted to get a look at Kanda's weak side one way or another.

* * *

Kanda had already argued with the security guards, the metal detector personnel, and the police five minutes into arriving at the airport. Apparently, Mugen had scared off the civilians and caused a slight car wreck as people tried to flee from his 'wrath'. In the end, he got away with Mugen, after threatening the police and showing off the crest on his uniform as proof he was an exorcist and not an psychotic murderer…although he could easily become one at any time.

For now, they were skimming the food court, and Allen was feasting on the cheap, fattening food the airport had to offer. Their flight left in an hour, and that gave them plenty of time to hang around, doing absolutely nothing except for looking like bored teenagers.

"Idiots." Kanda murmured, glaring at bystander who stepped away from him. "I hate people."

"What do you not hate, Kanda?" Lenalee said with a sigh and considerable boredom. She was sucking on a lollipop and was staring out the large windows, shifting in her chair.

"Good point!" Allen said through a mouthful of hamburger and fries. Grease shone on the food, and he had much more grease to consume. Damn MacDonald's. "Then again, I guess it's the defense mechanism of _shy _people, right? Wouldn't you say Kanda is _shy_, Lenalee?" He winked at her and suppressed an evil little grin unlike him. She waggled her eyebrows at him back with a devious look in her eye.

"But of course, Allen." Lenalee agreed with an avid, knowing nod. "Kanda's just our little shy guy, huh?" she patted Kanda's back and gave him a fake, comforting gaze.

Kanda was ignoring them, but he slapped Lenalee's hand away.

"I am not shy. I just hate people." He said shortly, leaning back in his chair. "Tch. What is it with you people, anyway? Don't harass me."

"Oh, but we're your friends!" Lenalee said, with big, shiny doe eyes. "We just want to protect you."

"Go away."

"That's so mean." Allen said with a shake of his head. Fake tears hung off his eyelashes. Well, they were real, he had just bit his cheek while chewing, and hard enough to draw blood. Of course, he was not a bad actor. Poker had trained him for that. "We would never leave you, no matter how shy or socially retarded…er, awkward you may be."

"I am this close," Kanda put his hand down on Mugen, massaging the hilt hungrily. "to slicing you both up." He said in a low, cold voice.

"That's mean." Lenalee said, lower lip sticking out. "Oh well, Kanda is just being Kanda, and we love him anyway, right, Allen?"

"Yes!" Allen said, jumping out of his chair. A few fries went flying as he banged his knee on the table. More tears came to his eyes, and he cursed the table in his mind.

"Let's all hug like the big, happy family we are." Lenalee proposed, nodding vigorously, batting her eyelashes.

Before Kanda had a chance to react, Lenalee had thrown her arms around his waist and Allen had come around, hugging him tightly around the shoulders. Kanda was stuck in their iron grip, and it was impossible to escape.

"I love you, Allen!" Lenalee cried.

"I love you too, Lenalee!" Allen said, wiping his 'tears of joy' from his eyes. He could already feel a bruise forming on his left knee. "Say it, Kanda, say you love us!"

"Yeah!" Lenalee agreed, nuzzling his tense shoulder.

Slowly but surely, Kanda's face was changing color. Was it going red, perhaps, out of sheer fury or embarrassment? Allen winked at Lenalee discreetly.

"Ohh, what's this? Pink cheeks on our dear Kanda?" Allen said loudly, poking Kanda's cheek continually.

"Are you people Akuma?" he asked somewhat frantically, wriggling slightly. "You are, aren't you? Muge—!"

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, with a knick knack paddy whack—" Allen sang, faltering.

"Allen, that's wrong!" Lenalee said sharply. "With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me too? I love you, you love me, we're best friends like friends should be. With a gr—"

"Great big hug, and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you—" Allen squeezed Kanda harder.

"--Love me too. Heehee!" Lenalee tightened her hug and looked up at Kanda, now positively red and staring into space with a look of utter shock and embarrassment on his face—at least as much as Kanda can manage—and he didn't even know what to do, or how to react. Quite frankly, he was mortified. People in the food court were looking at them funny, and others looked happy for the trio. Some pointed and snickered. Others ignored them, because teenagers are weirdos anyway.

"Let go of me." Kanda said in a surprisingly calm voice. Of course, he sounded very irritated. But he sounded like the levelheaded, perpetually annoyed Kanda that was seen daily. "Don't ever touch me." When Allen and Lenalee felt his muscles tense, they jumped back. Kanda was a swordsman, and being hit by his strong arms would make Allen cry real tears. He could break bones easily, even though he was slim and lean, and didn't look as threatening as he really was. Kanda could probably wring Allen's neck without a problem, not that he'd ever do that, oh no.

"Kanda, you know you love us. But we'll just drop the subject for now." Allen said with a saccharine little grin, returning to his chair. He bit into some chicken nuggets from Burger King with gusto and succumbed to his own dreamland as he chewed the fake chicken and breading. Lenalee frowned at the food, and returned to looking out the window. She yawned and blinked a few times.

"So, this flight." Allen said, breaking the heavy silence. "How long is it?"

"I'm putting my guess on eight hours." Lenalee replied with confidence. "Oh, you two are going to love it!" She clasped her hands together and beamed at both of them, batting her dark eyelashes fondly.

"How fun!" Allen exclaimed, nodding quickly. "I hope we get a cool plane."

"All planes are cool. But I hope we get one that is BIG with lots of people and flight attendants and stuff." Lenalee said with a few waves of her hand. "What I know for a fact is that we'll all be together in one row. I have the tickets right here."

"What? Not first class? Why is that?" Kanda demanded, leaning forward slightly. "That's ridiculous!"

"Well, the Order isn't loaded with money. So we travel economically." Lenalee winked at him and gave Kanda the thumbs up. Kanda replied with a scowl and folded his arms. He resigned from the conversation with a short sigh and stared at the clock.

Some time later, when Allen was done with his food, the group strolled to their terminal—terminal D—calmly and unconcernedly, while Allen looked at stores with weird trinkets with his big gray eyes. Kanda was people watching, of course, trying to determine which one was an Akuma and which one had a face that pissed him off the most. He concluded that everyone made him mad. Especially the little kids. Lenalee was guiding them, because she was the only one that actually knew what she was doing and was more immune to distraction than Allen. Not that Allen had ADD, he was just excited.

"Over here," Lenalee gestured to some chairs by large, thick windows that revealed a big white airplane that was presumably the one they'd be taking. She sat down and began to put on some lip gloss. Allen and Kanda sat on her sides. Allen kind of jumped into the seat and Kanda dumped himself in. From under his dark bangs, he gave small children morose looks and stroked Mugen's sheath with his index finger. Allen was bombarding Lenalee with questions and clearly he was under the influence of sugar.

"So…so will we get to walk around the plane when it's up in the air? Are we allowed to scream during the takeoff?"

"Depends on the turbulence and altitude level. No, it would not be a good idea to scream during takeoff. The flight attendants would either throw you off the plane or drug you." Lenalee answered blankly. At the moment, her heart and soul was in her nail file. "Ugh, stupid nails. I wish they were shiner and harder." She pouted and ran the nail pink file faster along her thumb.

"That's so cool!" Allen said, awed by the whole situation. "When will get on the plane?"

"I don't know, Allen." Lenalee replied with a hint of exasperation, glancing at a clock nearby. "Fifteen minutes or less, maybe a bit more."

"Okay, then!"

The group became quiet once again, though the air of excitement—mostly around Allen—remained. Allen continued to fidget and pressed his face to the glass, muttering some sort adjective when a plane took off from the runway. Lenalee hummed a song to herself, and Kanda was looking down at the ground. His bad mood seemed to have faded a little bit, but he still looked unhappy. That would change shortly, if Allen and Lenalee's plan went right.

* * *

By the time they were called to board the plane, Allen was positively bouncing on the balls of his feet. He was people watching, grinning spontaneously and following Lenalee like a duckling follows its mother. Kanda was following close behind, looking around and scrutinizing the attendant, who was giving him the eye as he handed her his ticket. Kanda scoffed and sped up his pace as he walked into a fairly unstable gate that reeked of cardboard a strange scent that he had never sniffed before. It was dingy, a little dark and crowded. Lenalee seemed unconcerned and wove her way through people, keeping a tight hold on Allen's arm so he didn't get washed away in the massive amount of people. Kanda, who was tall enough, was able to keep sight of them, though he nearly went Mugen on everyone's ass due to the fact the crowd was being dysfunctional. What a pain. He pushed people of his way, muttering "'Scuse me, Scuse me," and stood at Lenalee's side.

"Oh! There you are. I thought you got lost." Lenalee said.

"Tch. As if." Kanda harrumphed, ignoring the blonde flight attendant who was greeting them. Passing right into the plane's aisle, Allen gasped in awe and Kanda sneered. What a crappy little place. It was in there, and somehow this many people were expected to fit in the plane. Kanda highly doubted they'd all fit.

"Here we are!" Lenalee said, pointing to a row of three seats. The fabric was rather old and fraying in some places, but it sill looked like heaven for Allen.

"I call window seat!" Allen cried, falling into his seat and pressing his whole face to the window. He was watching a small drag more cars that were loaded with suitcases. That reminded him to throw his suitcase under his seat. He then dug around in the pocket of the seat in front of him, ripping out shopping catalog and a safety pamphlet.

"I'm middle!" cried Lenalee, tossing her suitcase into the compartment above their row. It landed with a loud _thud _and narrowly missed Kanda's head by inches. He ducked and was close to pushing Lenalee into her seat, until she fell right into it with a smile big as Allen's.

"Haha, Kanda gets the crappy seat!" Allen snickered, stifling more laughter unsuccessfully.

"You ass…" Kanda muttered, eyes flashing with anger. He dumped himself in the seat with deadweight after tossing his suitcase up into the compartment.

"Kanda, that's so rude." Lenalee said with evident disapproval. She frowned at him, and move at his lap. Kanda reacted with the speed of any male when someone makes a dive for that area.

"H-Hey--!" Kanda lifted his right leg a little and threw her a horrid look.

Her hand came around his hips, and fished out the seatbelt from under him, which she fastened. Lenalee then pulled the strap, tightening to seatbelt to it limit, knocking the wind out of Kanda slightly.

"There we go, now you're safe. Read the safety procedures, why don't you?" she said angrily, shoving the safety pamphlet in his face. "I'm pretty sure it says don't disturb the peace—"

"Fuck this!" Kanda said loudly, flailing around to get her away from him. Allen gave a hoot of laughter and kicked the seat in front of him.

"Watch your language, sweetie!" Allen said in a high pitched voice, slapping Kanda's leg twice. "You won't get any ladies with that acid tongue!" Lenalee just gaped at Kanda with her big, shiny eyes unblinking.

Kanda pressed his lips together and sagged against the back of the seat dramatically, wallowing in his almighty hatred for all. This was going to be the most hellish mission ever. What had gotten into them? Lenalee had never harassed him, and Allen rarely harassed him. He was seeing red at the moment. Brushing his bangs out of his eyes, he turned his head to his right, frowning. Lenalee and Allen were inclined toward each other, whispering and avoiding eye contact.

This irritated him, which was absolutely no surprise. The way Allen was looking down at the floor, waggling his eyebrows and grinning maliciously pissed him off no more than Lenalee's fast whispering.

"What are you idiots talking about now?" Kanda demanded, hiding his burning curiosity.

"Oh," Allen and Lenalee looked up at him coyly. "it's nothing important. But since you are all angry at us, we figured you wouldn't want to know that Lavi has contracted Ebola."

"Bean sprout, Ebola is in damn Africa. Lavi is in Puerto Rico." Kanda scoffed, shaking his head. "That's obviously untrue. Sadly."

"But you and Lavi are friends…" Allen said, tipping his head to the side. He wagged a finger at him. "Don't take friends for granted!"

Kanda dodged the poke that was coming at him by whacking him with Mugen.

"OW!" Allen screamed, massaging his arm. "That hurt!" Tears sprang to his eyes and Lenalee put his arms around him, looking at Kanda with a trembling lip.

"Tch. It should." Kanda muttered, crossing his legs and folding his arms. He seemed to be a little more relaxed now, and satisfied that he had hurt Allen.

"Kanda, we lo—"

"Good morning passengers," a smooth male voice began "We will be taking off to San Juan, Puerto Rico—"

"Wait, I thought we were going to the Bahamas…" Allen muttered to Lenalee, scowling.

"Oh, that's what I thought too. It's the same destination either way. But doesn't the pilot's voice sound familiar?" Lenalee asked, looking at Allen for confirmation. Allen closed his eyes and listened.

"--temperature there is eighty three degrees at the moment, and we should arrive in approximately eight hours. Thank you for flying with—"the pilot continued with a smooth, deep drawl. He had a slight accent that sounded a tad bit Mediterranean.

"Yeah!" Allen said, eyes widening he blinked a few times, and glanced at Kanda, who was looking up at the speakers with a strange look on his face. "Kanda, you recognize it too?"

Kanda nodded solemnly.

"Weird!" Lenalee said, shrugging. "Oh well. It's not we're going to die or anything."

At this naive remark, Kanda snorted rather loudly and rolled his eyes.

The group was relatively quiet, until Allen noticed something.

"Hey! You guys, is the plane moving?" he asked loudly, putting his face in Lenalee's. "It feels like it's moving backwards…"

"Oh. Yeah." She replied, with a nod. At the moment, she was immersed in the Sky Mall™ magazine, particularly interested in a spa machine that was supposedly portable. Allen looked on, but choked on his spit once he saw an ad for a 'special' bra for runners. Next to that there were fancy spandex shorts and other stuff that he quickly looked away from. So he continued to look out the window, even though the sun was shining in his face and he barely see what was going on below them.

"We're high up!" Allen remarked, pointing down a the tarmac.

Nobody said anything, because it was old news and he should've been aware of that a long time ago. Plus, Lenalee had better things to do, like marvel at the sports bra she wanted Santa to bring her. It was beautiful. Sleek, padded, and for maximum comfort—

"WHOA! We just moved!" Allen cried, bringing the change in speed and direction of the plane to everyone's attention. Nobody really cared. Kanda was near dozing off now, as he was yawning discreetly and had a faraway, sleepy look in his eyes.

"Alright, passengers, we will takeoff shortly. Please put all seats to their original position and put all tables up. Please fasten your seatbelts."

The plane was now taxiing at a slow, easy pace out of the gate. Allen was going to give himself permanent facial damage, because he had his whole face pinned against the window. He was looking at the runway. Other planes were taking off, and a few others were landing.

"Allen, I don't suggest doing that." Lenalee said aloofly. She pulled him back by the hood of his cloak.

"Why not?"

"When the plane really is about to take off, it'll give this massive jerk and you'd probably get hurt or something." Lenalee replied. "Knowing you, that is."

"Meh. Fine then." Allen agreed, but cried out as the jet gave a sudden jerk that nailed him right into his seat. Kanda was startled into consciousness and he stared ahead of him with a wide eyed expression.

"This so fun!" Lenalee cried. She put her hand on Kanda's and her right hand on Allen's hand. A radiant smile split her pretty face. "You guys, we're going to best friends—"

Lenalee, along with the others, gave a collective gasp as the plane rose from the earth and shot straight into sky at a rather sharp angle. The sun flowed through the windows, illuminating the whole jet, Allen laughed with nervousness as his stomach rose up to his throat, and Kanda swallowed the sudden intensity of nausea. Lenalee smiled widely and tightened her grip on their hands. Kanda's trembled, and Allen's warm and tight as he squeezed the armrest. He closed his eyes and laughed harder, enjoying the strange sensation. Lenalee joined him. Butterflies were surging through their stomachs. Even Kanda felt that feeling…though he did not like it. It reminded him of riding on Lavi's hammer when he extended it high into the sky. But this was not as smooth, and much faster. He was pressed into his seat. Looking out the window, he saw London fly by at a dizzying speed, and before he knew it, the Atlantic Ocean opened in front of them. Some minutes later, the jet was leveling off, and it fell a little. Allen and Lenalee giggled loudly and Kanda stiffened.

"The Atlantic Ocean…" Allen said in his naïve awe. It shone royal blue under the late morning sun.

"Pretty, huh?" Lenalee prompted, looking out the window with him. "It's a gorgeous shade of blue."

"Totally! It's like the sheen on Kanda's hair when it's in the light!" Allen agreed, throwing a wink at Kanda. Lenalee nodded with plenty of energy.

Kanda cleared his throat and muttered something to himself.

"Look, I don't want to be on this shitty plane. Especially with you idiots here. So _back off_." Kanda said. That was his verdict. Of course, no one was going to listen to it. Allen had plenty of tricks up his sleeve, and many more up his butt. It was painfully easy to harass Kanda, but the results it brought were great. He wondered if Kanda had any experience with girls. He probably didn't, though he was extremely good looking and had what even Lenalee called 'a sexy voice'. Allen hated him, and he wasn't gay, so just went along with what the girls of the Order said.

"Hey, Kanda, you have pretty eyes." Allen said in an earnest voice, nodding at him.

"Shut up, faggot." Kanda retorted angrily.

"No, no, it's true!" Lenalee said, turning to Kanda. She stared into his eyes seductively. Her eyelids drooped a little, her face became blank enough to pass as a lovey dovey look. "They're such a beautiful green color, right Allen?"

"With gray and yellow mixed in, and so…"

"That mix of colors, so dark…" Lenalee extended a finger and ran it along Kanda's jaw line. She leaned in, and Kanda's defense mechanism set in.

"Get away from me!" Kanda growled, pushing her off of him. "I am this close to killing you both!"

Once again, nobody knew whether the red on his cheeks came from anger or embarrassment. Allen cursed the situation and made note to do something drastic enough to prevent Kanda from getting mad. There had to be a way to give him that shade of pink to his cheeks without having him go postal on them. It was so difficult, but Allen knew he could do it. It had to be done.

* * *

Two hours into the flight, Allen's sugar had crashed. He was sluggish, sleepy, and was tempted to use his jacket a blanket. The air conditioner was on high cool, after all, and Lenalee had already asked a flight attendant for a blanket and pillow. She wasn't sleeping, but was dozing off. The tabloid magazine with some slutty celeb she was reading was held loosely in hand. KandKanda, next to her, was resting his in his hand, looking down the aisle in utter boredom. It must've been a thrill to watch fatties get up and rumble down the aisle to the bathroom.

"Lenalee, I'm cold." Allen said. He tugged her blanket from her coyly.

"Ask the flight attendant then…" she replied groggily. "I mean, we still have six hours left."

"Oh, I'm bored." Allen said with a heavy sigh. He put his chin in hand and leaned against the window.

"Bean sprout. Go get a fucking blanket." Kanda said in exasperation. He pointed up. "Simple as pressing that button."

"'Kay. Can you press it for me, since you're closer?" Allen asked kindly, leaning back in the plushy seat.

"Like hell." Kanda said with a scoff, scowling at him.

Allen sighed and stretched his arm far as possible to press the button. It nearly gave him a hernia, but within five minutes he was already sleeping with a pillow and a blanket wrapped tightly around him. He looked so peaceful, sun shining on half of his face. He was probably dreaming of real food.

* * *

Two hours passed by, and then were high over the open, uninhabitedAtlantic. By now, they were halfway into the flight and Kanda was the only one awake. He was irked by the fact his ears were clogged and it would not go away. But other than that, he was fine, though Allen had started to snore softly. Kanda had a quick and easy remedy for that, but it would not be allowed in a place where so many civilians were concentrated. As expected, it would involve blood and whatnot. But for now, Kanda was just basking in the placidity of having both his team mates in deep sleep. Seemed to him like NREM had kicked in, and they would not wake up any time soon. Hopefully, that is. He was always surprised by these people in some form or fashion. Kanda sighed softly, and drifted off to a faraway place…there was no Lavi to braid his hair. No noise except for the hum of the engine, which was perfect…

* * *

Lenalee woke up, startled by something that hit her left shoulder. She thought, in her groggy state, that a bomb had hit her and she she died or something. Of course, that did not happen. But as soon as she was fully conscious seconds later, a leathery, strong scent hit her. It was unique aroma, but she liked it, until she saw who it belonged to. Looking down, she saw Kanda's head of shiny dark hair on her shoulder. For a second, she thought of kicking him, but then she looked down at his hands. They weren't tense, which, for him was a miracle. She had second thoughts about leaving him there, but the good side of Lenalee shown through in the end. Although she was well aware of the fact that she'd regret the good deed, Lenalee was compelled to do it. They were 'family' after all. But…Allen had to see this.

"Hey! Wake up!" she hissed, slapping Allen's arm. She poked his side, getting a breathy laugh out Allen and making him wiggle a bit. "Get your camera!"

Allen, slightly disoriented, rubbed sleep from his eyes and looked around. His eyes landed on Kanda, resting his head on Lenalee's shoulder, and it clicked. Literally. His camera snapped a picture, but sadly, he left the flash on.

At once, Kanda's eyes flew open, and within a second he had Allen pinned to wall.

"What is the faggotry, bitch?" he spat, pressing Allen against it harder. He looked absolutely homicidal, and Allen could've sworn he saw fire in his eyes and fangs ready to eat him.

"I-I thought it was cute!" Allen said, getting a knee ready to rack him. Kanda saw his knee and moved back. He was not going to have his reproduction powers halted by a freaking bean sprout…no one would stop Kanda's almighty powers of alpha male-ness…

"Quit fucking around, dammit!" Kanda said. He look incredulous as he sank back into his seat.

"Your mom!" Allen retorted, sticking his tongue out and giggling deviously. He dodged a punch from Kanda. Lenalee just avoided it and stayed out of their issues.

"Bean sprout…!"

* * *

"LOOK! LOOK!" Allen was pounding on the window with his fist, squealing and laughing and making every noise humanely possible. Lenalee looked out the window, and her eyebrows went up. She pushed the armrest up and scooted closer to Allen to get a better view of Puerto Rico, which was quickly appearing. It was in the distance, and Allen, antsy after an eight hour flight, was ready to run around on a beach and screw around like the teenager he was. Even in the evening, the water was glowing a beautiful turquoise color. The shores were white with sand and people were on boats in the ocean. Ah, the Caribbean.

"Good evening, passengers, the time is six twenty three p.m. in the city of San Juan, Puerto Rico—" the pilot was doing his rounds, giving the passengers info about their landing and such. He was so familiar. That voice. It was calm yet had energy to it, and it was so, so smooth.

"Did you hear that?" Lenalee tapped Allen's shoulder, pointed to the speakers above them. "The pilot said something in Spanish perfectly! He said it all, 'Sahn Hwuahn, Pwertoh Rricoh'!"

"—the temperature is eight seven degrees Fahrenheit, sunny, and we will be arriving at the San Juan International airport shortly. Since we will beginning the landing sequence, please put up all trays and return seats to normal position. Flight attendants, prepare for landing."

"Spanish." Kanda said suddenly, folding his arms.

"Yeah? What about it?" Allen said, puzzled. His attention was devoted to a boat he saw down below, skimming the shining waters.

"Who do we know that is from that area?" Lenalee asked, leaning over to tighten Kanda's seatbelt again. He shoved her away aloofly and went on with his pondering of the familiar voice.

"I don't know. No one at the order than I know is from the Iberian Peninsula." Lenalee said, shaking her head. She pulled out a nail file again. "And I know everyone from the order, Finders too."

"He could be Mexican," Allen said, shrugging.

"He's not. That accent is from Europe, I know it." Kanda said with a stiff nod."I can tell by the way he says his 'a' and 'u'." Kanda suddenly looked up, eyes wider than usual, and blinked a few times. "Of course. Why didn't I think of it before?"

"What?"

"The pilot is—" Kanda gave a great gasp as the plane dropped and his stomach rose up to his throat. "Damn it, he could've at least told when he was going to make this piece of shit drop like that!" Kanda said, looking down the aisle at the cockpit. He chewed on his lip and began to calculate some things, while the plane dropped a few feet here and there.

"Allen looked away from the window, eyes wider than Ritz Crackers™. He blanched and suddenly looked sick. A touch of airsickness or not, he did not look well. "Oh man. He's going to crash the plane." Allen began to bite his nails nervously. His eyes kept darting here and there, watching people.

"Hey guys, I don't feel so good." Allen murmured, glancing out the window. The plane gave a sharp drop, which made all three of the cry out a little.

"Suck it up." Kanda replied with a shake of his head. He slouched in his seat and sucked in his cheek, frowning. Lenalee looking at both of them, who were turning pale and fidgeting in their seats. She made a face and wrapped the blanket around herself, warier than ever.

"Do not puke on me!" she said shrilly, poking them both with her nail file.

The island was getting closer, and the plane was turning, and all of them were squished against their armrests. Allen ended up against the window

"I could drive a plane better than this pilot!" Allen said angrily, rubbing the side of his head. He winced. "Oh! Look! The island!" He tapped the window frantically. Down below, beaches were populated with people and high rise apartments all of different colors. Then, the airport appeared, a maze of asphalt and long, large gray building that cars were flowing out of. The evening sun lit up the windows brightly, and shone on the runway.

"Beautiful!" Lenalee exclaimed, shoving Allen aside and pressing her face to the hard, warm glass. It was slightly smudged, due to Allen hogging the glass the whole time, peering at the ocean. She shrieked as the plane dropped once again, leveling off, and making another steep drop that caused Allen and Lenalee to erupt into uncontrollable giggles. Even Kanda had to work to suppress a smile as he felt the tickle in his stomach. The airport was getting closer and closer at an alarmingly fast rate, which was no problem for either of them. Their legs were cramped up from the long flight.

And now, both Allen and Lenalee were in a state of euphoria. Bouncing in their seats and clapping their hands, they laughed harder than ever as the plane gave one of its final drops over the San Juan International airport.

"Kanda, the landing is the best part!" Lenalee exclaimed. "You're like, speeding down the runway and oh it's so cool! Here it comes!"

The plane began to tip back a little, and then jerked forward with intensity that made Kanda thankful Lenalee had forced him to wear the seatbelt. He was surprised, however, when Allen and Lenalee threw their arms around him as screeching noises came from below. Taxiing down the runway with diminishing speed, the trio began to relax as the fun of the landing wore off.

"That was great!" Allen cried, punching the air. "I am so pumped right now!"

"Yes, beaches, here I come! Kanda, we look forward to seeing you in a swimsuit…" Allen and Lenalee winked at him rather deviously, and Kanda glowered at them both, unmoved.

"Tch."

"Welcome the San Juan International Airport in San Juan, Puerto Rico. The temperature is currently eighty six degrees, and the weather is sunny. The baggage claim will be C thirty one. Thank you for flying with—"

"So, how sure would you say you are that we know the pilot?" Lenalee asked Kanda in a low voice, inclining her head toward him.

Kanda leaned over his armrest and craned his head to look down at the cockpit past first class. Once the pretty flight attendants moved out of the way, he caught a glimpse of dark, curly and voluminous hair—the type Lenalee envied.

"I'm ninety percent sure. It sounds just like someone I've met." Kanda answered, fingering Mugen. He was messing around with the hilt, like he was ready to pull out Mugen in the blink of an eye, and hopefully he would not use it on Allen but use for good purposes.

"I would have to agree with Kandy Panty." Allen said, pointing a Kanda with a cute little pout to his lips. The color was returning to his face.

"WHAT?" Kanda demanded. He turned to Allen so fast, they heard some vertebrae pop into place, and judging by the look on his face and the way his hand went to rub his back, it had hurt him. "What was that you just said, mofo?"

"Well, Kandy Panty. You know, a panty like Lenalee's—"

Lenalee slapped Allen's head dismissively and gave a little "Hmph!" Even so, she turned pink.

"—Ow, crap. Well, like Lenalee's, but made out of licorice and sugar and sweet stuff and gumdrops and pink things…yeah. It would be yummy underwear. You need a Candy Panty…some sweets need to get into your body to make you nicer, so some sugar on your butt should help or something." Allen snorted loudly and made that cocky face of his.

Kanda sat there, his brain registering what Allen had just said. His mouth was hanging ajar, he stared at Allen without blinking for a good ten seconds until he finally understood. His eyebrow twitched and he turned a little bit pink…no, no boxers were black and he had never even seen panties in real life. Lenalee grew pinker, because imagining Kanda in pink panties was a thought that brought mixed feelings to her. It was hard to get the image out of her head…Kanda, standing around sulking around with that face of his, shirtless, in tight pink panties, showing off his long legs…

"Lenalee?" Allen waved a hand in her face, but Lenalee was not responsive. She was just as mortified as Kanda, but Kanda didn't know how to react, so for now he slouched there, reddening and glaring and thinking of threats.

"Oh, don't get your panties in a wad." Allen said with a high pitched giggle, waving his hand. He winked at Kanda.

"Why don't you try unwadding them, then? Since I'm such a dick, I guess I'll need help so I don't give myself an aneurysm, huh?" Kanda said with bitter sarcasm, gritting his teeth. He gave a twisted, sadistic grin. "Here's what I can say to you: kiss my candied ass!"

Kanda gave Allen a hard shove that pretty much pegged him against the window. A loud bang sounded as Allen hit his head, and Lenalee shrieked. She almost slapped Kanda, but she saw Allen give her the thumbs up, her hand retreated to her lap. Oh well. She, Allen, and Lavi could give him some love later. Lavi was excellent at molesting Kanda with his almighty social powers.

A while later, they were finally allowed to leave their seats. Kanda, of course, had the advantage, so he ripped the upper compartment open, pulled out his suitcase, and disappeared down the aisle with Lenalee and Allen on his heels. Try as he might, he would never get away from them. Lenalee took Allen's hand and was holding onto Kanda's arm to make sure they wouldn't get lost.

"Ha, I was right." Kanda murmured, gesturing to the exit of the plane.

Tyki, smiling and waving at the passengers, stood there, dark, shiny hair in his face. His eyes had that seductive look, and he stood there calmly. His accent was to die for in person. Lenalee looked at him shyly and Kanda was giving him a particularly nasty look. Allen was hiding behind Lenalee, in case Tyki decided to go postal on their sorry asses.

Kanda passed right by him, but Tyki noticed and pulled Kanda back by his hair.

"Well, well, well!" Tyki chuckled, eyes bright. "The Exorcists are on vacation!" He smoothed Kanda's hair back in place like nothing ever happened. Kanda looked extremely irritated. His homicidal instincts were near kicking in.

"Actually, we're on a mission." Lenalee said, rocking on her heels. She had a slight crush on him, due to his sexy Mediterranean look and the way he always wore a placid—or seductive—smile and had those pretty eyes.

"Oh? Where at?" Tyki asked casually, shooting Allen a knowing, devious look. Allen squeaked and ducked behind Lenalee. It was epic failure, since he was taller than her.

"It's in Pue—"

"None of your business, faggot." Kanda interrupted firmly. He made a move to go, but Tyki stepped in their way.

"Oho, seems like we have angry young man here. Kanda, your name was? Or was it Yu?"

"Tch. You forget that I can kill you any second I want." Kanda retorted.

"Don't get your panties in a wad, Kanda." Tyki said with a slight frown. "I'm just saying hi."

"What are you doing here, anyway?" Lenalee asked curiously.

"Oh. Well." Tyki hesitated. "I'm on vacation. After this, I'm going on a cruise to Curacao with Lulubell. But that's none of your business." He said coolly, mocking Kanda. "Anyway, run along, kids." Tyki laughed a strange laugh and patted Allen on the back brusquely. Allen blanched noticeably.

laughed a strange laugh and patted Allen on the back brusquely. Allen blanched.

Kanda growled something very nasty and dragged Lenalee and Allen out of the plane and into the ghetto gate thing which was basically falling apart. It was somewhat warm and humid in there, and Kanda had to shove people out of his way to get out of the gate and into the airport.

"Whoa. This is cool." Allen said after they had passed a Hello Kitty store and a book store. The Hello Kitty store was all pink and little girls and teenagers were in there. He hadn't seen so much pink and happy stuff concentrated in on place. This was an old, but interesting airport. The Puerto Ricans were scrutinizing them—mainly Kanda, because he uniform fit him beautifully—and they pointed at them and whispered. Not that Allen cared. He smiled and waved back. Kanda was walking too fast for him to actually catch the eye of anyone.

"So, who's going pick us up?" Allen asked, stumbling as Kanda made a beeline for the automatic doors a few meters ahead.

"Taxi." Lenalee replied. "We're going to stay at El San Juan hotel and casino."

"JACKPOT!" Allen yelled, throwing his arms around Lenalee. "You're a genius! I'm going to love it here!"

"Yes." She replied, with a short nod. "I know. It's so pretty, and it's right by the beach! The beach is beautiful…turquoise waters and white sand with large palm trees with hammocks!"

"Ohhhh Kanda!" Allen sang, letting go of Lenalee and skipping at Kanda's walking pace. "You did bring a swimsuit, right? If not, Lavi brought two. He brought his swimsuit and a speedo he stole from Komui."

"No way!" Lenalee shrieked, smacking her forehead with her palm. She wondered why her brother was such an idiot...

"Of course I did." Kanda scoffed, pushing Allen a few feet away from him. "What kind of retard would forget?"

"You know, the type of people that don't like beaches or hot climates or anything normal people like, and I am totally NOT referring to you because that would be rude and I'm not like that." Allen said. It was pretty obvious he was referring to Kanda exactly, but Kanda had no reaction. He seemed to not care at all at this point. Bad sign…Allen was going to have to do something drastic, but Lavi would have ideas for sure. He was the master of molestation. Luckily, there were staying with him at the hotel…and casino. Already, Allen could see him pretending to be of age and sipping some non virgin piña colada laughing with some pretty girls at the bar. Allen could picture himself doing the same, but without the alcohol and with money in his pockets from his pro poker skills.

When a sudden wave of heat and humidity hit him, Allen realized they were now outside, in a crowded, hot place packed with people and suitcases. Kanda tore through the crowd, nearly running over people, getting closer to the street, and then stood there, scanning the area for a taxi.

"There's one!" Lenalee yelled, pointing to a cab a few feet away from them. The ran two steps to the cab, and harassed the driver about prices using sign language. He did not know much English, which posed a problem for them. And then they stuffed themselves in, only to meet up with people Allen did not expect to see. He sure remembered them, though. How could he forget?

* * *

Oh, and by the way, this is not yaoi. Allen and Kanda are just the main characters. I don't know whether it seems like it, but I've never read nor will I ever read yaoi. Point is, it's not. You'll see what happens.

By the way, SJU really does have a Hello Kitty store. Reviews are always appreciated!

...I love Kanda so much. He's a badmouth.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Well, this chapter isn't my best...the next one I like though.

* * *

"Jasdero! Attack!" Devit screamed from the back seat, holding a revolver to Kanda's head. Kanda blinked, perplexed, and then took the revolver and threw it, hard, at Devit's head. Indeed, He was successful in hitting Devit square in the forehead.

Devit moaned rather exaggeratedly, begging his brother to save him, but Jasdero's heart, soul, and small attention span was focused on cab driver's hairy beard. Jasdero stared with his huge, golden eyes, while Devit stopped complaining and snapped back to his usual self.

"So. Where are you fags going?" he asked, leaning in between Allen and Lenalee. A wide, 'raep face' grin was eating up half of his face.

"Hotel." Lenalee replied shortly, scooting away from him. Allen smiled awkwardly at Devit.

"Us too. El San Juan hotel and casino, bitches! HAHA!" Devit roared, smiling deviously and waggling his eyebrows at them all. He snickered and winked at his brother, who replied with a stupid grin.

Kanda smacked his forehead with his palm and Lenalee groaned, sagging to the side. It was an emo moment for both.

"Shit." Kanda muttered blankly. He made sure Mugen was in the eyeshot of the twins, that way they wouldn't get any ideas.

"Oh no!" Lenalee muttered.

The cab driver frowned at Kanda's cussing, but shrugged it off. It wasn't his business, and teenagers were weird anyway.

"I'm going to rape those casino machines…" Devit bragged loudly, shoving his face in Allen's. Allen smiled back politely. But the muscle in his jaw was going and he seemed to be suppressing a menacing look.

"Oh, I don't think so. I'm better than anyone when in my natural habitat, Devit." Allen replied, airily, wagging his finger. He laughed a modest giggle and grinned. Indeed, Allen looked slightly demented.

Devit made a face and gave Allen a devious little look.

"We'll just have to see, then, huh?" he snickered.

"What are you doing here?" Kanda asked bluntly, more morose than ever. He did not like the twins, they were too much fun for a person like him. However, Jasdevi had fun harassing anyone and everyone, so they would be set.

"The Earl wants to get a tan!" Jasdero answered, grinning like an idiot. He winced when Devit smacked him upside the head. Jasdero's blonde hair became mussed, and he suddenly pouted. Tears sprang to the corners of his large eyes.

"You forgot the main purpose!" Devit scolded, smoothing down Jasdero's hair with his hand impatiently. "The Earl's going to get lipo and stuff, but 'Dero and I are going to hang around El Morro! It's a fortress from, like, a million years ago, and we're going to disturb the peace there."

Kanda raised his eyebrows and resigned from the conversation. Lenalee sighed heavily. Allen just looked out the window as they passed under a bridge and left the airport's vicinity, traveling down a fairly busy road near hotels, apartments, and a variety of stores. From banks, car rentals, supermarkets and cemeteries, fancy hotels rose up into the sky. Since they were all lost in dreamland, neither of them noticed how quickly time passed, and before they knew, they were parked outside the hotel already.

"Go go go go go! ESCAPE, Jasdero!" Of course, Devit had to be flashy, so he jumped out of the van via hatchback door, dragging Jasdero along. He also conveniently forgot to pay the taxi driver, and Jasdevi went running into the hotel, firing random shots of mustard at civilians standing nearby.

"Ahem." The taxi driver held out his hand. "Twenty two dollars even. You're paying for them too, by the way." The cab driver pulled out a rifle from under his seat and pointed it at Allen. Lenalee shrieked and took a step back. Kanda eyed the rifle longingly.

"R-Right…" Allen replied, fishing in his pocket for a twenty. The gun's barrel was inches away from his forehead. He shoved the money in the driver's hand, and practically jumped out of the taxi without a second glance. He was antsy still, and wanted to have a nice run on the beach. Kanda and Lenalee joined him wordlessly, as they were both quite tired from the long flight. The bellhop opened the door for the weary travelers, and before any of them had a chance to react to the hotel's luxurious interior, Lavi came out of nowhere and tackled them full speed with hugs. He was able to catch Kanda off guard, which was virtually impossible. That was the reason Kanda and Allen were being squeezed in a bear hug from Lavi, who was laughing loudly. Lenalee was near suffocating, but Lavi would not budge.

"Yo!" he greeted, letting go of them. "It's been a while!"

"Lavi! How are you?" Allen said, wincing as Lavi slapped his back.

"Doing great, man." Lavi answered, nudging Kanda as a hello. Kanda smirked and punched him back lightly. Strangely enough, though stark opposites, Lavi and Kanda were friends. Even though Kanda was mean to him (as he is to everyone) Lavi seemed to not mind and still managed to get something out of Kanda."You guys are going to freakin' love it here." Lavi then gave Lenalee a friendly hug.

Lavi was slightly tanner and he smelled a little bit like salt from the ocean. At the moment, he was wearing his uniform, but it was evident he had been out in the water not too long ago. His hair was still damp.

"Well, follow me! I've got you checked in and everything. We're on the ninth story, room two-oh-nine. It's nice view of Isla Verde."

"Isla Verde?"

"Yup. It's the area we're at. Isla Verde, San Juan, Puerto Rico!" Lavi announced, abusing the elevator's up button. He jabbed with his finger at least ten times, and then the elevator showed up with a little bell sound. Lavi shoved the group in. He then began to mistreat the elevator's nine button, pressing it even while the elevator was going up.

"Lavi, you dumbass, don't break it." Kanda growled, pulling Lavi away from the buttons and jostling him into the far corner of the elevator. Lavi became engaged in whispers with Allen, while the snuck glances at Kanda, who was staring at the doors blankly. Of course, they were gossiping about Kanda and what they should do with him, but most of the gossip included fake whispering sounds to irritate Kanda. At the moment, he didn't seem to notice.

"I wonder what life will be like without soba for him tomorrow morning…" Allen whispered. His face was split by a grin of unnatural proportions. It spread over the whole half of his face. Lavi had to suppress a snicker.

"Well, we'll just have to find out." Lavi replied slyly. The two broke apart and pretended to be in their own worlds when Kanda turned to look at them sharply. He was about to speak, but then the bell cut him off and the doors opened, exposing a hallway with exquisite carpet. Lavi pushed Kanda aside and hopped out of the elevator first, shouldering Lenalee's and Allen's suitcases. They group walked down the hallway, taking in the clean, cool air, and Lavi opened a door for them. He was close to killing the card key to open the door, but it did not break, somehow.

"Voila!" Lavi exclaimed, leading them in. He extended an arm and gracefully threw himself on one of the beds, grinning contently.

"Wow!"

"Daaaamn!"

"Tch."

The room was impressive. It was painted in light, warm colors, with some neutral colors thrown in. There were earthy oranges, greens, and browns, with plenty of clean white. Two queen sized beds were against the wall. The tile was white and cool, the bed sheets were illuminated in orange by the setting sun, and a cool marine breeze flowed in through the balcony. Lavi had left the doors to the balcony open, and now the room was perfect in temperature and feel. It was so clean and refined.

Lenalee sighed dreamily, sinking into the large, plushy beds. She had smile similar to Lavi's on her face.

"Wow, do they really make you get all loopy like that?" Allen asked, indicating the content smiles on his friend's faces. He wondered if any bed had the power to do that. Shrugging, he collapsed onto the bed closest, and nearly killed Lavi as he let his arms flail around. Allen sighed calmly and closed his eyes, listening to the ocean and the trees' rustling leaves.

"Kandy Panty, it's your turn!"

"What the hell?" Lavi said, eyes snapping open. He gaped at Kanda.

"Bean sprout…" Kanda unsheathed Mugen, meaning serious business. There was a freakish glint of malice in his eyes that Allen had seen so many times before.

"Oho, long story." Allen sniggered, suppressing a smirk. "I'll explain later. Anyway, Kanda, it's your turn. Come feel the wrath of fancy beach hotel mattresses!"

"No." Kanda replied curtly, leaning against the wall. He looked tired, and nothing could hide that, not even that face he had when he was calm. Mugen was held tightly in hand, so no one was brave enough to get him. Except for Lavi.

"Hey, hey, buddy old pal. Want some soba?" Lavi grinned at Kanda warmly and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Give it to me." Kanda said, with his rare eagerness.

"Alright, then, give me sec."

Kanda, expecting the only food he ate with sheer pleasure, was quite shocked when Lavi gave him a push hard enough to land him on the bed, narrowly missing Lenalee. But to their surprise, Kanda did not move or even fight back. He just laid there, on his side, eyelids falling over his hazel eyes.

"I knew you would like it." Lavi said, poking his friend's head. This was the finger that molested the elevator's buttons…Kanda shifted and swatted his hand away.

"It's not bad." Kanda answered quickly. He sounded almost sleepy, but this was Kanda. He wouldn't fall asleep at six thirty. And he was quite hungry.

"Good as soba, huh?" Lavi prompted.

"Dude, Lavi, Kanda has a dependency on soba. He'll go into withdrawal if he doesn't have it at least three times a day, every day." Allen said. He sounded disapproving, but he was teasing, of course.

"Not true, though it sure seems like it is." Lavi said, wagging a finger. He yawned. "Actually, Kanda can go quite long without soba. Of course, it doesn't improve his mood, hehe."

"And you can't go without a day ogling women. Disgusting." Kanda snapped back, sluggishly sitting up.

"Hey, can we go to the beach?" Allen asked, rolling off the bed. He hit his head on the bedside table, and lay on the ground, moaning and rubbing his head. It was a sight that was calling Kanda to go attack him."Ow…yeah. Can we? I wanted to swim and see if a shark is out there."

"Good luck with the shark part," Lavi replied with a chuckle. He did a flashy move and was back on his feet, brushing imaginary dust off himself. "I was out there all day waiting for you guys and I saw nothing but some yellow crabs that attacked me. Yes, we can go, if you are all up to it that is. The water will be a nice temperature."

"Awesome." Allen said with a nod. He pulled Lenalee up off the bed. "Well, let's change into our handy dandy bathing suits." His eyes flashed and a demonic smile took the place of his pleasant grin. Allen sniggered an evil laugh and skipped off to the bathroom, suitcase in hand.

"Do I have to go?" Kanda questioned disdainfully. At the moment, Lavi was digging through Kanda's suitcase, searching for a swimsuit.

"Get out of my suitcase, asshole!" Kanda

Clothing was flying everywhere as Lavi dismantled his neat packing. At last, he found the swimsuit—a navy blue one, with yellow Hawaiian style flowers on it—and dangled it in Kanda's face, beaming.

Kanda was not amused.

He snatched the swimsuit from Lavi's hands, turned on his heel (he managed to whip Lavi's face with his hair) and waited outside the bathroom while Allen changed. He was out seconds later, sporting dark red suit with gray and white stripes down the side.

"So, Lenalee." Lavi asked, leaning toward her. "What does your swimsuit look like?"

"It's pink and white…striped" she replied, scooting away from him.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah. It has bows on it too. Why are you asking me this?"

"W-Well, I wanted to make sure we all have good looking swimsuits…" Lavi said with a flourish of his hand. He laughed nervously.

Kanda came out of the bathroom and gave him a murderous glare.

"So we don't look like retards out there, you know?" Lavi was obviously lying, but Lenalee bought it and shrugged off his question. Lavi sighed, relieved and then went to go harass Kanda.

"Wow, not bad, not bad. Right, Allen?"

The two stood about four feet away from Kanda, looking him and down, nodding. It was like analyzing a model, but they were doing it for fun. They pretended to be concentrated and serious.

"It fits him well, Lavi." Allen said, folding his arms. "I approve."

Kanda, uncomfortable, stood there, glowering at them. He just wanted to kill them, but again, they were near civilization. Ah well, he could drown them in the ocean and let the riptide carry them away. He could blame it on a shark or something; Kanda was more creative than he looked. But he was logically inclined…

"What are you doing?" Kanda asked quietly, frowning. He folded his arms and shifted his weight to his left leg. Sighing impatiently, he wondered why he was here in the first place. They were supposed to be searching for akuma…

Lavi and Allen started to whisper, pointing at Kanda staring at him the whole time. The fact they were whispering about him was painfully conspicuous.

"This is harassment!" Kanda hissed, pushing them out of his way and stomping to the balcony. He made a point of slamming the doors shut and giving them his middle finger once he was outside.

"Should we lock him out?"

"Nah. He'll come headshot us if we're not careful."

"He'll also get a double kill. Also, he'll just jump down to the beach…he doesn't care how high up we are."

"Hm, true. We can drag him out to the beach. Just tie a rope around his neck and drag him down. Do you that's legal here?"

Lavi shrugged, bored.

"Don't know, don't care." he muttered. "Ohhh, Lenalee, that suit looks quite good on you!" Lavi said, dropping the subject quickly. He looked Lenalee over, blushing and drooling a little.

Lenalee stood there, in her pink and white striped swimsuit, blinking dumbly and wondering why Lavi was drooling. She did look cute, even with her short hair. Lenalee picked up a towel and draped it around her shoulders, winking at the boys and walking to the balcony to get Kanda.

"I'll get him!" Lavi said, jumping in her way. He ran a hand through his hair nervously. "Kanda is hostile at the moment..."

"Well, more hostile than usual." Allen interrupted pointedly.

"Right. Yes. Well, I'll go get him." Lavi took off to the balcony.

Allen and Lenalee exchanged confused looks. They shrugged.

"He's got a death wish." Lenalee said with a sigh.

"Indeed. Indeed."

* * *

By the way. Plenty of people carry guns in Puerto Rico. My grandpa was assaulted a few years ago lol. He gave the guy two hundred bucks and went back into the house like nothing happened.

Please review! The next chapter should be out in a few days...so it's all good.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Epic Fail!

WET KANDA, oh yes. You'll see more of him as the story goes on.

Hope you enjoy.

* * *

"I'll get him!" Lavi said, jumping in her way. He waved his arms around and gestured frantically to Kanda. Lavi drew a finger across his throat, and no one understood him or his gestures, so Allen and Lenalee just stood around in the room. They exchanged confused glances.

"HEY Yu!" Lavi threw the doors open, grabbing his friend's hair and yanking him back brusquely. As a result, Kanda nearly fell on him, and the stream of swear directed at Lavi stung, but Lavi found the look on his face hilarious. Especially since his hair tie snapped, letting his hair fall down to mid back.

"You bastard." Kanda growled, shoving his friend angrily. Lavi only giggled and took Kanda by the arm, dragging him out of the room and down to the elevator to meet up with Allen and Lenalee. Kanda was cooperative, but the sour look of his did not subside. Lavi, however, enjoyed it, because making Kanda look like on old woman was amusing.

"Damn, this elevator is the slow one." Lavi said, killing the elevator's down button once again. Allen and Lenalee exchanged confused glances. They both sighed.

"Haven't you ever thought that it was on the ground floor before coming up?" Allen asked him gently, avoiding any conflict. It was hard not to laugh. Lavi looked so concentrated, so intense, until the elevator showed up and Lavi jumped right in.

"Whatever, it's slower anyway." Lavi answered flippantly, pushing them all into the elevator. The doors closed, and Lavi pressed the 'G' button once. Judging by the twinkle in his eye, he had an interesting idea in mind. "Hey, let's all jump up and down to see if the elevator will go down faster."

"Yeah!" Allen said excitedly.

"You guys, what if it breaks?" Lenalee questioned. She clasped her hands. "We'll all die if it falls!"

"Which would not a bad thing." Kanda said under his breath, earning him a kick in the shin from Lenalee. His eye twitched as the pain sank in. Lenalee was no newbie when it came to kicking stuff. She was pro.

"It won't do that." Lavi said, waving off her remark. He turned to Allen, grinning devilishly. "On three! One…THREE!"

Allen and Lavi jumped simultaneously, and with each drop the elevator plunged downward a few inches. It was similar to the plane's sensation, but a little less of an annoyance for their stomachs. It seemed more natural. The two continued to jump and down like losers until the elevator reached ground floor, and Kanda took an advantage of this. He pushed Lavi and Allen out of his way as they were jumping, and stepped over them without a look over his shoulder.

Lavi and Allen, confused, were lying on the floor, blinking and staring at Kanda with indecipherable faces. Allen and Lavi both teared up…out of pain, of course; Allen figured he'd suffer from internal bleeding after the way he landed there. They also teared up to make Kanda feel some remorse, if that was possible.

"You're so mean!" Lavi wailed, picking himself up off the ground.

"That was an evil thing to do!" Lenalee said loudly, pointing at him.

They were attracting attention. Or, Allen was. His left arm was quite different, but he ignored the looks.

"I hate you!" Allen howled. He collapsed on the ground in a mess of (fake) tears. Times like these made him love General Marian Cross. He learned how to act in tight cases where some tears here and there would help pay off General Cross' debts. Lenalee rushed to his side, patting his back. Now she was tearing up as well.

"Look what you did!" she screamed. "You made Allen cry!"

Kanda looked over his shoulder, rolled his eyes, and turned all the way around.

"Quit making a scene, bean sprout." He said sharply. "You're not going to die."

"But my soul…" Allen sniveled, looking up at Kanda with wide eyes. "My soul is dying! I thought we were best buddies!"

"As if!" Kanda growled, walking over. Lavi who was lying on the floor, blocking the entrance to the elevator, tried to trip Kanda. But in the end, Kanda kicked his side and hoisted him up by his swimsuit violently. Kanda had the wind knocked out of him, and he stood doubled over, gasping for breath.

"Owww, damn it, Yu."

"Screw you. Are we going or not?" Kanda demanded, prodding Allen with his foot.

Lenalee glared at Kanda, and jumped up to her feet. She looked him straight in the eye, and said "It's payback time!" And then, she reeled back her arm and slapped Kanda's cheek, hard, hard enough to make a sound and leave an imprint of her hand. Kanda was swaying on the spot, eyes wide, mouth hanging open, blinking back tears of pain as he gingerly touched his face.

"OHHHH pwned!" Allen yelled, standing back up. He and Lavi laughed raucously, slapping their knees and choking as they lost their breath. Lenalee folded her arms and gave Kanda a "what now, son!" look. However, she was quite proud of herself. Watching Kanda grimace with pain and touching the mark on his face was quite amusing. Allen was also missing the beautiful shade of pink he was turning. Kanda was too shocked to react, and he was staring at Lenalee. But then, the unexpected happened. Kanda lunged forward, gripping Lenalee's arm and pinning them at her sides. Lenalee had no time to even react as Kanda landed a kiss on her cheek. (A/N: means nothing to story, trust me-- you'll see why he did this)

Lavi and Allen screamed. Lavi almost fainted—Allen had to catch him and he nearly fell under Lavi's deadweight. As for Allen, he was about to lock himself into the elevator shaft. He just wanted to die or kill Kanda, because that was extremely molestation, what Kanda just did. He replayed the incident in his mind. Kanda, leaning forward with that annoyed look on his face, holding Lenalee's arms down, the way he tipped his head and closed his eyes—at this point, his annoyance was replaced by pleasure, it seemed—and landed that kiss on Lenalee masterfully. It was as if he had done it before.

"It's payback time." Kanda said, pulling back with a smirk on his face. "You like that, Lenalee?"

Lenalee swayed on the spot, cheeks pink and mouth hanging open. Her hand went up to where his lips touched her. She glanced at him…and Lenalee realized how wonderful the swimsuit looked on him…and his perfect face with those intense eyes…she smiled and laughed a dreamy laugh as she pictured him in candy panties. _Oh, Lenalee! Won't you love me in my Kandy Panties? So sweet and pretty, just like you…"_

Lenalee giggled again.

Lavi almost had a heart attack.

"L-Lenalee! Wake up!" he shook her violently. "This is not the time to be fawning over Yu! Hell, it's never the time to be fawning over Yu!" Lenalee was unresponsive, but puckered up waiting for Kanda. "No! This can't be happening!" Lavi sank to the floor, hyperventilating.

Allen started to cry all over again. He ran to Kanda and threw his arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder, pounding it with his fist. Kanda looked repulsed, as if had just stepped on mating cockroaches.

"What was that for?" he cried. "I can't believe you did that, Kandy Panty!"

Kanda scoffed and pushed Allen of him, annoyed. Once again, he helped Lavi up. Lavi was comatose, and stood next to Kanda with his face frozen in shock.

"Shut the hell up." Kanda growled. "I'm leaving you all here."

"No, we're coming, we're coming!" Lenalee said, elbow locked with Kanda. "Come on, Allen, Lavi." She gave them winks, but seeing they were too disconsolate, she took Allen's hand and Lavi followed, with that face of his that would never go away. The group walked out of the hotel's back exit, going down a pathway and ending up on sand and under some palm trees. The sea, glowing blues and oranges, yellows and reds as the sun set, spread out in front of them. There weren't too many people there, which was perfect. They walked out closer to the shore silently, until Lavi broke the silence.

"Hey…could someone dig a hole?" he asked, pointing vaguely to a are at his side.

"Sure, why?" Allen asked. He seemed to be recovering from the shock of Kanda Kiss action.

"I need to be buried alive." Lavi said sourly, shooting a glare at Kanda. "Because of damn Yu over here."

"Suck it up." Kanda snapped.

"Hey guys, I'm going to go find some crabs." Allen said in a distant tone of voice. He took Lavi by the arm and jerked him closer to shore. "Lavi, come with me. We can leave the lovebirds here, no?"

"Bean sprout, I'm going to kick your ass."

"Lovebirds…" Lavi muttered angrily, following Allen's lead. He nearly impaled his foot on some driftwood, but Allen steered him to the left, plowing on until they were waist deep in the water. Allen then grinned at Lavi, deviously chuckling and rubbing his hand together.

"What now?" Lavi sighed, watching Kanda and Lenalee stand around on shore. They sat down, and Kanda was looking down the beach. Lenalee was talking to him, and Kanda's face was unreadable.

"Heheheh. Kanda isn't into girls, is he?" Allen questioned casually.

"Of course he is!" Lavi replied, completely alive once again. He came closer to Allen, eyes glowing. "He's picky though…Kanda loves the big girls."

Allen's face become horrific. He was usually cute and pleasant, but he looked like a wrinkly old hag with the face he made.

"…He likes fatties?" Allen nearly choked on the words.

"No, of course not!" Lavi bopped Allen's head affectionately. "Kanda likes girls with huge boobs and hips and sexy looks that are bold and mean and smart. He really likes long hair and tiny waists on girls and hates it when girls wear makeup and bikinis." Lavi replied. "The opposite of Lenalee, in other words."

Allen took on his dark side again. His smile become demonic and his eyes were twinkling. Lavi could've sword he saw some glints of red. Allen's dark side was almost as scary as Komui when he's PMSing or pissed at Bak.

"Which means that he doesn't like Lenalee and he kissed her for the lulz?"

"Mmm, I'd say he did for the lulz _and _as payback to all of us." Lavi replied, putting a finger to his chin in deep thought. He sighed with relief. "Good. Now I can have Lenalee to myself."

"What? No! I like her!" Allen nearly screamed.

"You don't show it!" Lavi retorted. He scowled and folded his arms in the water angrily.

"Poker face, duh!" Allen said. He enunciated every syllable exaggeratedly and pointed to his own face.

"Well…I saw her first!" Lavi answered. There was snooty tone to his voice, which was very rare for him. Allen and Lavi stood there, glaring at each other for about two minutes until something came to Allen's mind.

"And you actually talk about that? The girls and preferences and crap with Kanda?" Allen asked, grimacing. "I mean, wow, Kanda doesn't even…he doesn't even hold up a conversation."

"Yeah." Lavi replied. "Tough to imagine Kanda doing so, but yeah, he does. As for the conversation, yeah, he's pretty funny when he wants to be. Kanda's not a dumbass; he's one of the smartest people I know!" Lavi nodded and smiled. "He doesn't smile much though."

"And how did you get so close to him?" Allen did not believe this. Kanda was the person that was cold, pissed off ninety percent of the time, and disliked people and anything involving socialization. Along with that, he acted like he mildly disliked Lavi. He was rude and mean to everyone, yet here Lavi was telling Allen about their friendship.

"Good question. I kind of grew on him, I guess." Lavi answered. He looked back to the shore where Kanda and Lenalee sat. They were talking to each other, and Kanda did seem responsive. "I harassed him and stuff and picked on him. He almost killed me though. Lenalee jumped in and saved me. Even now, he's still not nice. But he's a good friend."

Allen pursed his lips and blinked quickly, slightly perplexed. It was hard to imagine a friendly, nice Kanda. Somehow, he didn't believe Lavi.

"Then why does he hate me?" Allen asked eagerly. Of all the people Allen had met, Kanda was the only one that truly hated him for reasons Allen did not know. Allen was the nice, trustful, loyal kid that smiled a lot and had a heart of gold. Maybe Lavi knew why he was on Kanda's hit list.

"He does it for the lulz." Lavi answered, splashing Allen. "He just hates people like you. Nothing personal, man. By the way, this big ass mall, Plaza Las Americas is nearby. I think we should go to the candy store, buy some crap, and make a candy panty. Just for our little Kandy Panty."

"Nice!" Allen high fived him. "You think we can do it?"

"Yeah, man." Lavi chuckled. "I mean, seriously, all we need to do is ransack Lenalee's suitcase, find a panty, and use it as a model…we can buy some Fruit Rollups™ or something and hold it together with spit…" Lavi shrugged. "It's ghetto style, but it'll work. And then the candy we can stick on with wet candy or something. Then we can give to him in public."

"How will we get him out of here?" Allen asked. This was getting interesting. Lavi was quite good with all this mischievous (and suicidal) behavior.

"Well, let's send him to El Condado or El Morro. They're old, cool parts of the city and Yu can tour them…" Lavi trailed off, wincing a little. He shrugged, palms up.

"He'll get suspicious." Allen returned blankly, raising an eyebrow. Kanda was not dumb…he had a sixth sense, it seemed, when it came to secret plans.

"Yeah. True. Well, we can take turns making it and we'll hide it under the bed—OW! My foot!" Lavi suddenly plunged a hand into the water and pulled out a yellow, palm sized crab. It was small, but it had menacing pincers and was squirming around in Lavi's hand. Allen and Lavi looked at other, shocked. Then the screaming began.

"Crabs!" Allen's eyes nearly popped out of his head, and he screamed. At breakneck speed, he began swimming back to shore. He also managed to splash Lavi with surprising intensity.

Lavi threw the crab out to sea as hard as he could. He began swimming frantically behind Allen without even breathing. Waves were sloshing them around, and seaweed was wrapping around their necks and getting stuck in their hair. The salt water burned their eyes. But then, a strong wave pushed them along, and they landed sprawled out on the shore, panting.

"Oh, man, that was so freaking…messed up…" Lavi wheezed. He rolled onto his stomach, sighing and pushing thick hair out of his face. Allen was next to him, face frozen in distress. His eye twitched and he was moaning. Lavi scooted away from him. Then, a shadow came over them.

Kanda appeared above them, but something was peculiar about his stance. He had one hand behind his back, and the air seemed to turn cold with his presence. He raised an eyebrow. A marine breeze swished his hair back and forth.

"Dude! This one crab showed up and almost raped me!" Lavi said, flailing on the ground aimlessly. "We almost died! Look, Allen's suffering from shock!"

"Pathetic." Kanda scoffed. "Was the crab like this one?"

The hand behind his back came out, holding a crab a few inches larger than the one Lavi and Allen had run into. The crab was stabbing Kanda's hand with its pincers, and Kanda held it by a pincer between his thumb and index finger. In other words, he would drop the crab in due time.

Lavi screamed once again, and covered his face, bracing himself. Allen began to twitch all over.

"It's a damn crab. Get over it, both of you." Kanda said, flinging the crab out to sea.

"I'm not going back in to the water…what if some obese crab comes up and eats me and Allen?" Lavi demanded, slowly standing up. He put his face in Kanda's. Kanda leaned away, unperturbed. "Think of the possibilities, Yu!" Lavi's voice was becoming high pitched. He shook Kanda by the shoulders violently. "The crab could eat you too…and then it could level up!"

"I don't want to die!" Allen squeaked. He tucked his legs up to his body in a fetal position.

"Hey, fags? Crabs don't kill people. I do." Kanda stated bluntly. "Stop whining. It was your idea to drag us all out here."

Lavi let go of Kanda, fingers trembling, and helped Allen up. Allen was swaying on the spot, dazed and pale. Lenalee joined them, looking from Kanda to Lavi and then to Allen.

"Crabs?" she guessed. Lenalee sighed and put her hands on her hips. "Seriously, if you know you're deathly afraid of crabs, why go to the beach?"

"Dude. DUDE. The crab, was like, huge!"

"Whatever. Bean sprout here is having a moment. I'm hungry." Kanda dismissed himself from the scene of idiots on the shore, trudging back up to the hotel room. He hadn't gotten into the water, but Lavi had a plan in mind. They'd be walking by the pool in order to get back into the hotel and up to their room.

"Yeah, you're getting cranky." Lavi called after him, running after Kanda.

"Am not!"

"It's been scientifically proven that men get cranky when they're hungry!" Lenalee said, running after them. Allen followed numbly behind. The crab evolving and eating his face was running through his head. Visions of blood, pincers, and sand raced across his eyes. He shuddered, snapping back to reality. He was particularly interested in what Lavi was doing. He was just a few feet behind Kanda, walking at his pace. They were entering the gate now (Lenalee almost ran into a palm tree) and the sand turned to smooth concrete. Kanda was passing by the pool, unsuspecting of anything.

But Lavi came up behind him, summoning all of his adrenaline, and giving Kanda an incredibly hard push so that he had no time to find a balance. As a result, Kanda fell right into the pool with a large splash. His head popped out of the water, and he was temporarily blinded by his thick dark bangs, which he shoved aside to reveal menacing eyes. He stood in the pool, staring straight ahead.

Lavi laughed raucously and Allen collapsed on the ground in a mess of giggles. Lenalee stood there, grinning. She was trying not to laugh, but it was unsuccessful, as Kanda was emerging from the pool like a sea monster. A sea monster with the intent to kill. He was soaking wet. Lenalee couldn't help but stare…Kanda in a swimsuit, with his hair down, droplets of water cascading down his body.

Too bad Lavi was busy laughing his ass off to notice that Kanda was coming at him. It was Kanda's win now, since he manhandled Lavi's head into the pool.

"Drown, bitch, drown!"

Kanda held his neck down, and Lavi was attempting to wriggle out of his grasp. It was futile, of course. Lenalee and Allen exchanged worried glances. Kanda wouldn't really kill his best friend, would he? Kanda was cruel, yes, that was a known fact, but would he really finish Lavi off?

When Lavi stopped moving, Kanda pulled him back out of the pool. Lavi collapsed onto the ground, breathing quickly and coughing up water. He was a little blue in the face and was trembling all over.

"Lavi!" Lenalee ran to his side, eyes wide with worry.

Somehow, he managed a laugh.

"I'm alright…just give me a few minutes…" he said weakly. "Damn it, Yu…were you trying to kill me?"

"I would've. I should've." Kanda muttered, folding his arms. He averted his gaze to a particularly curvy woman that was walking around in a sundress. Immediately, he gave the seal of approval—Kanda's frown was replaced by a pensive look. He looked relaxed now, and his stance seemed to loosen up.

"You see some babes over—"

Kanda kicked Lavi with restrained force.

"Shut up and catch your breath so we don't have to call the paramedics." Kanda said sharply, lowering at Lavi.

Lavi just smiled back and gave them all the thumbs up sign.

"Can we order pizza?" Allen asked suddenly. "I'm hungry."

"Let's do that…" Lenalee agreed. "But Allen, you're paying for your own pizzas. All of us here have a normal appetite."

"Fine, fine…" Allen grumbled. "It's not my fault I'm just a hungry teenager! Can someone please pay _with_ me at least?"

"No."

"Damn."

Inside, the hotel was getting crowded. It was a Friday night, the bar was packed, and adults of all ages were flowing into the hotel. As for the bar, well, there was plenty of raucous laughter and glasses chinking, along with fast music. Allen could already pinpoint the ones that would lose their virginity tonight. It was pretty obvious…the women all looked like sluts. Thankfully, the elevator was on the ground floor, and it let them in before Lavi could press more buttons. They packed themselves inside, and Lenalee made sure to stand in front of all the buttons so Lavi would blow up the elevator. Kanda stood in a corner, staring into space pensively, and Allen was slouching against the rail. They went down the hallway to their rooms, and once in Lavi pulled out his cell phone out of his pocket rather flamboyantly, flipping it open with the grace of a drunk gorilla.

"Okay! Papa Johns™…uhh…" Lavi skipped over to the computer, Googling™ the Papa Johns closest to the hotel. "Hey, is Los Frailes nearby? Oh, wait, here it is." Lavi turned to all of them, seductive shine in his eyes. "Watch me get this pizza with my sexy Spanish skills."

Lavi dialed the number showily, putting the phone to his ear.

"Yes, hola! I want ocho pizzas, por favor." Lavi's smile faded. "No…no talk Español…"

Allen, Kanda, and Lenalee promptly smacked their foreheads and groaned.

* * *

NOOOOOPE the pairing in the story is NOT KanLena. **There basically are no pairings**.

You'll learn the reason behind Kanda's actions soon.

Somehow, I think I'm going to get flamed for this.

Please review.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Epic Fail

not mine

LOL, I love high school so much. It's been distracting me. And my GPA is currently 3.9, WOOT. Let's see how long I can keep it.

So, that's my excuse for not updating.

**Oh, my birthday is October 4. Review to make me happy.**

* * *

"Uh, hi, yes, is this Papa John's Pizza?"

It was eight thirty in the evening, and the air conditioner was blowing cold air into the room. That was the reason Lenalee was in her bathrobe, sitting next to Allen on one of the beds. Allen was in his pajamas, which were basically his boxers and some undershirt. Lenalee had on some cute pink shorts under her bathrobe, and her hair was damp due to the shower she had just taken. Hotel shampoo always smelled so good. Kanda was on his laptop, typing something quickly and grimacing every so often. The TV was on, and some fat lady puppet thing was talking rapid Spanish on TV. A weird guy was next to her, screaming the veins in his neck out like Billy Mays™. He kept making weird faces at the camera and went around talking to people for no apparent reason.

"Allen, do you have any idea what they're saying?" Lenalee asked, fumbling for the remote.

"No, not really. I just keep hearing 'aparente y alegadamente', which I think means 'I paid my rent and my leg went mental'. It has to mean that, or else Spanish is weird language…" he trailed off as he glanced at Lavi, who was having technical difficulties with ordering pizza.

"No talk Español…" he said loudly. "…No…I don't know of what estas talking about…OH! Yes. That. Eight boxes of that…extra cheese please…no, no, EXTRA cheese. Si. Ocho pizzas, thanks. Then another one. Put soba noodles on it—"

Kanda harrumphed gruffly and gave Lavi an irascible look.

Lenalee and Allen snickered. There was a reason they didn't volunteer to order the pizza. Although most people in Puerto Rico knew some English, the pizza people apparently did not. Or at least the person that Lavi was ordering from.

"Lavi, do you want me to do this?" Kanda asked, holding his hand out. He waved it around in Lavi's face, waiting for him to hand over his cell phone. Lavi shook his head.

"Yo want los breadsticks. No soba noodles? Mierda. In that case, put vegetables, piña and pollo on it with heavy salsa. Aright…thirty minutes…El San Juan Hotel and Casino, floor nueve, room dos-zero-nueve. Gracias!" Lavi snapped his cell phone shut. "Yeah, that's what I call skillz. The pizza will be here in thirty minutes."

"You sounded pretty retarded." Allen said, rolling onto his stomach. He smiled at Lavi and laughed when the guy on TV followed another guy around a fountain. Then the commercials came and a bunch of kids danced on the TV, eating rice. A few of the little girls looked like preemie hookers.

"Well, I got the pizza, didn't I?" Lavi plopped himself down between Lenalee and Allen. "Geez, that lady didn't even know what to do. Oh, by the way Kanda, they don't have soba noodles. Sorry."

Kanda flashed Lavi his middle finger.

"What are you doing over there, anyway?" Lavi asked, pointing to his laptop. "And since when do you have a laptop that you even take on missions?"

"I'm busy. I brought my laptop because you retards are here." Kanda replied curtly, looking up from his 'work' quickly.

"I see." Lavi nodded. They were quiet for a bit, because there was a strange ad on TV involving bubble gum, farting kids, and some fat guy with a juicebox. Lavi sniggered.

"Is it just me or does Puerto Rico have stupid commercials? I mean, s—"

"Shut up!" Allen cried, leaning forward. "That fat lady is back! Look! The guy is screaming again!" Allen pointed to the TV excitedly. At the moment, the lady was throwing darts at the face of some other hag while the guy was yelling senselessly. He kept making wild gestures and his eyes popped out of his head like the veins on his neck.

Lavi started to laugh and pointed at the TV. He was the epitome of idiocy.

"That guy!" he said in total awe.

"Look at those veins!" Allen yelled, pointing at the TV. His eyes were wide and mesmerized.

"Will you shut up?" Kanda demanded, throwing his wet towel at Lavi. "It's just some faggot."

"No, no, you have to look at him!" Allen gasped between breaths. "Look, Kanda, look!"

Kanda gave an exaggerated sigh and looked up the TV. He frowned and made a face.

"Is that…even legal?" he asked nobody in particular. "I can practically see the blood running through them."

"Eww!" Lenalee squealed, squeezing her eyes shut. "You're totally right!"

"Haha, Kanda Panty is right…" Allen said. "I wonder what would happen if you poked it with a needle?" Allen laughed nervously at the thought of blood splattering everywhere. He thought it would interesting, if not scary to watch…News Flash: Guy Screams to Death.

"Arterial jet, bitches!" Lavi yelled, standing on the bed with a foot on Allen's back. He might as well have screamed 'Victory!' "His jugular's going to burst."

"So is the common carotid. It shows when he turns his head. And by the way, the jugular is a vein, not an artery." Kanda corrected Lavi bluntly.

"Well," Lavi blinked. "that's news to me. Haha. Yu, you're a fountain of knowledge, aren't you?"

"Whatever."

Some forty minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Lavi jumped up, fishing his wallet of his pocket. He opened the door to lanky teenager that looked unhappy and annoyed, most likely because he was carrying nine boxes of pizza.

"Hey, Allen. Pay up. Pizza's here. Do you have eighty dollars on you?" Lavi called over his shoulder.

Allen sucked in his breath and smacked his forehead with his hand. Lavi should've told him eight pizzas would take a bite out of his wallet. He'd have eleven dollars left after paying this!

"Damn it. Yes. I do." Allen said angrily. He pulled his wallet out of his pocket with a sigh, pulling out the one hundred twenty dollars and handing it to Lavi, who handed it to the delivery guy. It was a fast exchange—Lavi took the pizzas and the guy took the money without a word.

Lavi slammed the door shut with his foot and muttered quite distinctly, "Asshole. That fag didn't even talk to me. Well, whatever."

He laid the boxes on the desk the room provided. Lenalee, Allen and Kanda circled around like hungry lions. Lavi flipped open a box, and they found themselves staring at a mess of gray, red, yellow, and a scent that made Allen's stomach do flips. The kind of flips when nausea is attacking.

"What is that?" Lenalee screamed, pointing at it.

Kanda made a face and stepped back.

Allen pinched his nose.

"Ugh! It smells and looks horrible!" Lavi agreed. He peered closer. "Anchovies? What the hell? I never ordered that! And dude, this sauce is salsa…it's Mexican! Try it!" Lavi dipped his finger in. Sauce was all over the cardboard. "Well, it doesn't taste bad, but…"

"Tch, I am not eating that." Kanda said bluntly, pointing at the pizza…or whatever it was.

"It's so gross." Lenalee agreed. "Check the other boxes, Lavi."

Lavi checked the eight other boxes, finding one that was a regular pepperoni pizza. The rest were all anchovy-Mexico-processed cheese failures. Lavi pointed at it and shrugged, raising his eyebrows.

"It's all we've got, you guys." Lavi said, eyeing the largest piece with those mischievous green eyes. He plucked the largest piece from the pizza and feasted on it before Allen had time to get it.

"Lavi! I need that piece!" Allen whined, stomping his foot. "I'm so hungry!"

"I am too!" Lavi replied, biting into it. Allen made a grab for it, but ended up scraping Lavi's face instead. "Why you little…!"

Lenalee and Kanda stood there, examining the pizza. It looked okay.

"Hey, Kanda."

"Mmm?"

"Since they're busy fighting, how about we just take our pieces now?" Lenalee glanced at Allen and Lavi, who were too busy killing each to care about the fact their pizza was about to get jacked.

Kanda nodded at her, locking eyes with her. For a moment, they just stared at each other. It was a second or two before they looked away, avoiding any sort of eye contact. Lenalee made a grab for a piece and brushed Kanda's hand, who happened to be going for the same one.

"Sorry." He muttered, taking a different piece instead.

"It's fine…" Lenalee answered, taking a bite into her piece. She suddenly felt shy and unsure of what to do or say next. Kanda was busy watching the fighting, which had gotten pretty intense. The piece of pizza was lying on the ground.

"This is lame." Kanda commented, leaning against the desk. "And this pizza sucks."

"I agree." Lenalee replied. She was looking at Kanda out of the corner of her eyes. "It's so fake."

"I'll just wait until breakfast." Kanda said, tossing his piece back into the cardboard.

Lavi and Allen decided to throw the pizza at the people that were outside partying, flush some down the toilet, and leaving some for the maids. In the end, Allen stayed hungry and Lavi too. It had not been a pleasant day for them. This caused Lavi to fall into his very rare bad mood. Allen was just about as angry as Kanda was, and that was saying something. Sweet little Allen, pouting like a misanthrope.

"Would you rather have Mcdonalds ™?" Lavi asked Allen, glowering at him.

"I already had that." Allen answered testily. "I'm not eating it because of some idiot that screwed up our order with his crappy Spanish skills."

"Dude, seriously. I have a driver's license and a rental car. I can go get us something to eat." Lavi offered, glancing at the clock. It read nine fifty three.

"No, no, I'm fine." Allen said sarcastically. He rolled his eyes. Oh, teenagers. "I can just starve, right? Morning is only about twelve hours away." Lavi looked a little bit offended and turned to Kanda, pleading.

"Yu, can you go drive down to Burger King?" he asked, making puppy eyes.

"Hell no." Kanda replied gruffly.

"It's because you don't like driving, huh?"

"No, I just don't like you." Kanda's riposte was obviously untrue. He and Kanda were good friends.

"Aww, you're a bad liar!" Lavi said, grinning. "Anyway. Please! You won't get us food?"

"I'll get food for you but not for the bean sprout." Kanda said firmly. He threw a glare at Allen.

"YAY! Go get me a burger. Can you speak Spanish?"

"Better than you can." Kanda scoffed. "You really suck at it. Now give me the keys and I'll be back in a bit."

"That's not fair!" Allen cried, jumping up from the bed. "I'm like, fifty times hungrier than Lavi!"

"That's your problem, isn't it?" Lavi growled.

"It's yours too, since you can't speak Spanish! Kanda, please!" Allen moaned. He stared at Kanda with his big, pleading eyes and held his hands in a prayer like way. He looked teary once again.

"Keys, Lavi. Hand them over." Kanda said, holding his right hand out to Lavi. Lavi plucked the keys from his pocket and tossed them to Kanda, who caught them nimbly. Kanda's eyes widened minimally as he looked down at the keys.

"Why did you rent a Mercedes™?" he asked, making a move to go.

"Oh, I got a cool sports car for the lulz, you know?" Lavi fixed his hair up with a hand. "I mean, I don't want to ruin my image since I'm so sexy." Lavi stuck out his tongue and made a face.

"I beg to differ." Kanda said stiffly. "I'm leaving—"

"Kanda, if you don't get me something, I'm going to tell Komui you kissed Lenalee." Allen said, throwing a menacing look at him.

Kanda stopped moving and stared at Allen, eyes wide and unbelieving. His eyebrow quirked downward and his hand clenched involuntarily around the keys. The temperature dropped quite a few degrees and an evil aura seemed to surround them both as they stood there, locked in a cold gaze.

"You wouldn't." he said quietly.

"I would!" Allen said with a vigorous nod. "I'd tell Bak, too."

Kanda growled and narrowed his eyes at him. Oh, how he hated Allen. This kid was something else.

"You're paying me triple, then." Kanda said

"I don't have that type of money!" Allen cried. Eleven dollars was not enough.

"Too bad. Alright, I'm going."

"And I'm coming, 'kay?" Lenalee said, latching herself onto Kanda. She smiled at him brightly.

"Well, shit, then I might as well come. Allen, you want to stay here?" Lavi said with a shrug.

Allen stood on the floor, lower lip trembling. He stared at them all, wide eyed, teary and left out. This was what sucked about being the youngest in a group of people. He was always getting the bad end of things.

"You all hate me!" he wailed, throwing a pillow at them. Lavi caught it and tossed it back to him halfheartedly.

"We don't. Why don't you come with us, then?" Lenalee asked him, grinning at him warmly. She unattached herself from Kanda and went over to Allen, giving him a friendly hug. "Burger King is only a few minutes away!"

"And we can go on a drive around town, right? The sports car has an awesome GPS." Lavi added. "Plus, Kanda's a good driver. Not as good as me, though!"

"Fine." Allen said, suppressing a smile.

He followed them out of the room, wallet in hand. All his money would be gone after this, but oh well. Kanda decided to ban Lavi from managing elevators, so no buttons were abused. They walked right out of the hotel, into the cool night air. It was a humid, clear night, and a full moon was high in the sky.

"Where's the car?" Kanda asked, looking around the parking lot. He clicked the 'Unlock' button on the car keys.

"That black one." Lavi pointed in front of him, at a sleek, black sports car, which he had conveniently left with the hood down, showing off gray leather seats.

"Oh, geez, Lavi." Lenalee muttered, shaking her head. Even so, she smiled. "You really outdid yourself this time, huh?"

"It's beautiful, right?" Lavi cooed, running his finger along the sleek black paint. He was looking at the car like a child of his own. He bent down and kissed it. What an awkward moment for them all.

Kanda pulled open the door and collapsed into the seat, jamming the key into the ignition and turning it. At once, the car came to life. Kanda sighed and unbuttoned his white shirt a little bit. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently, waiting for Lavi to stop talking to the car and get in.

Lenalee clambered into the car gracefully, swinging her legs over the side and sat in the middle. Allen followed, and decided to sit behind Lavi…once Lavi got in the car. Kanda almost ran over him a few times.

"Finally." Lenalee said playfully. "I thought we'd never get anywhere."

"Shut up. I'm leaving this baby in a week, alright? I need to bond with it." Lavi said, patting the car's dashboard fondly. Grinning devilishly at Allen, he winked.

Kanda pulled out of the parking spot, and left the hotel's vicinity.

"Where's the damn Burger King?" he asked disdainfully.

"Good question! Somewhere over there…" Lavi pointed to their right. I passed by it after my visit to El Morro, on my way back here. It's by a bank…want to use the GPS? That's what cool kids do."

"So I can stay on this road, then?" Kanda asked. "Fuck it. We'll get there eventually."

Kanda shrugged and made a sharp turn onto the road, putting the pedal to the medal. Allen rubbed his shoulder as it his Lenalee's. She had pointy shoulders, ouch. The two exchanged curious glances.

They were down the road, and Lenalee enjoyed the wind toying with her hair. Allen was having technical difficulties, because his hair was blowing all over his face and kept tickling his nose. Needless to say, he sneezed quite a few times. As a result, Lavi's nerves were on edge.

"Don't sneeze on my baby!" Lavi said through gritted teeth. "Use Kanda's hair to wipe your nose."

Lenalee and Allen laughed a little when Lavi was pegged by a Starbucks™ cup he had left behind. The fact he loved 'his baby' was disproved by the fact Kanda took a whole stop at the traffic light dumping trash on Lavi's lap that Lavi recognized…it was all his crap.

"Whoa! So that's where my coqui keychain went! And my credit card!" Lavi said excitedly. "Thanks!"

"You're not welcome." Kanda muttered.

"Look! It's Burger King!" Allen yelled, pointing at a ridiculously tall sign sporting the BK™ emblem rather blatantly. It was so tall, it towered over other buildings a few stories tall. The restaurant, if it could even be called that, was hidden by other buildings and in a complicated mess of cars, streets, and narrow sidewalks.

Kanda switched into the next lane and cut of some people, making a sharp turn right and nearly running over a group of adults. Of course, he swerved just in time, but Allen's head banged onto Lenalee's shoulder, and for that reason sparkles were clouding his vision. It that didn't give him a concussion, he didn't know what would. A searing pain was tearing him apart.

"Ow…" he moaned.

"Are you alright, Allen?" Lenalee asked, glancing at him.

"Uh-huh." He answered, rubbing his head. He was seeing stars instead of signs on the street.

"Are you sure?"

"Y-Yeah…"

Kanda swerved into the Burger King lot, and make a jerky turn into the car line. Kanda turned to them all, glaring.

"What do you mofos want?" he grumbled.

"The number two combo. With some Sprite™!" Lavi replied.

"I hate fast food." Lenalee answered.

"Everything!" Allen cried, drooling over the menu. "I mean, uhh, the number five. With a Coke™."

Kanda held out his hand, waiting as it filled up with the last of Allen's wallet and Lavi's ripped, ugly dollars. He made a face as he took it in hand, rather repulsed. Kanda sighed loudly and waited until someone attended them.

"Hola, bievenidos a Burger King. ¿Cual va a ser la orden de usted?" A woman said in fast, slurred Spanish. Maybe she was drunk?

"El combo numero dos y el combo numero cinco, con Sprite y Coca Cola." Kanda answered curtly, running a hand though his hair. Lenalee's mouth dropped and Lavi banged his head against the dashboard several times, laughing at sobbing at once. If he had known that Kanda could speak Spanish, he could've enjoyed a decent pizza. Allen's eyebrows nearly touched his hairline. He listened eagerly. This would be his Spanish tutor, for sure. And Lenalee…well…Kanda. In a sportscar. Hair down. Shirt unbuttoned and speaking sexy, clear Spanish. Lenalee giggled rather corruptly and watched Kanda dreamily.

"¿Algo mas?" the lady asked.

"No, gracias." Kanda replied.

"Proxima ventana, por favor."

Kanda sped forward to the next window. Lavi began to laugh hysterically, choking on his spit and practically having a seizure. Lenalee was listening to his sexy voice, adoring his pronunciation.

"Daaaaaaaaaaaamn." Allen said with a few nods. "Kanda can speak Mexican!"

"Don't be stupid." Kanda said sharply. "It's called Spanish. I'm not fluent."

"Are you on crack?"Lavi shrieked, performing several forms of self injury. "Your pronunciation was beautiful! Not everyone knows how to order from a fast food restaurant…"

"Kanda's bilingual!"

"No, I know Japanese, French, Spanish, and English. Damn Tiedoll forced us all to learn French, and I picked up Spanish while in Spain. What a pain."

"Hola." The lady at the window said, smiling slightly and handing them a bag of food. Kanda tossed it to Lavi and gave him the drinks rather dismissively.

"Nueve con treinta y seis, por favor."

Kanda handed her the money.

"Quedate con el cambio." He said.

"Gracias, que tengas una noche buena." She replied.

In the meantime, Lavi was munching on some fries, 'taste testing' them. Apparently, he approved, because he wouldn't give Allen his fries. Allen was reaching over the seat as far as he could with his seatbelt on him. It was squeezing his gut as he made blind grabs for the bag of food.

"Laviiii!" Allen whined loudly. "I want a fry! Give me my drink or something!"

"Haaaa, no. I'm your superior by three years. Therefore, I get to eat because I'm way cooler than you." Lavi took a loud sip of his drink, smacking his lips loudly. "Mwah! Delicious. Cheap, fattening food that drastically raises uric acid levels…mmm!"

"Yes, it's great…now give me some!" Allen made one final grab, before Kanda reached back and pushed him back into his seat.

"It's a fucking fry." Kanda said emphatically, throwing glares at them both. "I didn't drive all the way here to have some idiots fighting over a fry." He reached over and took the bag from Lavi. He made a move to throw it, and Allen screamed bloody murder.

"You better not!" Lavi screamed, lunging between Kanda and the steering wheel.

"Shit!" Kanda exclaimed, shoving Lavi away. In the process, he let go of the steering wheel. Lavi was strong, and he'd need both hands to push him away. The food was still in Kanda's possession.

"Kanda! Watch out!" Lenalee screamed pointing ahead.

Kanda looked up, cussed rather loudly, and slammed the brakes hard enough to make them all yelp as the seatbelts pierced their guts and in Lenalee's case, boobs. He almost ran a red light, at sixty miles per hour in a busy street right in front of apartments.

Kanda, fuming, whacked Lavi on the head with full force. They could've sworn they saw a vein going in his temple. Lavi hit the dashboard and groaned loudly.

"Are you retarded?" Kanda demanded. "What the hell was that?"

Lenalee noticed Kanda's hands were trembling.

"I…fries…oww…" Lavi muttered.

"Wrong answer!" Kanda almost yelled. If Mugen were here, Lavi would have already been dead. "I should've run the red light. Hopefully you would've died."

"Kanda…" Lenalee began, leaning between them. "Lavi…you two should calm down. We're all okay, except for Allen who is kind of carsick, but who cares because nobody is hurt." She touched Kanda's shoulder and patted Lavi's back.

Kanda exhaled slowly, turning back to wheel. They were silent for a bit, and his driving was considerably calmer. He was beginning to look sleepy, and Allen was dozing off in the backseat. Lenalee yawned, enjoying the nice temperature, and Lavi was still on the dashboard. He was either asleep or passed out. Hopefully the latter.

"We're here." Kanda said a few minutes later, jerking the keys out of the ignition. He handed the food to Lavi, who had taken a three minute nap, and took off to the hotel with Lenalee on his heels. Allen followed behind sluggishly.

When they got up to the room, Kanda kicked off his shoes and sat down on the bed, sighing. Lenalee sat next to him. Allen and Lavi chowed down, watching more questionable TV shows. However, they decided to watch a Naruto™ marathon on Toonami™. Lavi began to laugh hysterically when Orochimaru™ showed up. It took three minutes for the laugh attack to pass, but when Sasuke™ showed up with Orochimaru, he began laughing louder and harder than ever before. He almost choked on a fry. Meanwhile, Lenalee was attempting conversation with Kanda.

"Are you tired?" she asked shyly.

"No…" Kanda gave a wide yawn and stared ahead. His eyelids were drooping over his eyes, and he was beginning to look distant.

"You look tired." She said bluntly, smoothing her hair.

"I'm not." Kanda answered blankly. He turned around and threw the car keys at Lavi, hard. It pelted him in his back, making him cry out in pain.

"I am." Lenalee murmured.

"Mmm."

Allen and Lavi were already done with their burgers, and now they chugged their sodas, leaving the best—the fries—for last. Their almighty goodness was incredibly tempting. The fries were all gone within a minute, leaving a pleasantly full Lavi and Allen craving for more. Of course. They were lying around sluggishly, watching TV with half closed eyes.

"Hey, we have to talk about sleeping arrangements." Lavi said, rolling onto his back.

Kanda and Lenalee accidentally looked at each other, but then looked away quickly. For some reason, Lenalee's face became warmer than usual.

"Basically, whoever is least likely to make a move on Lenalee sleeps with her. That would be Kanda." Lavi said with a faint smile. "See, Allen and I would probably…yeeeeahhh. I can sleep in this bed with Allen. And yeah. Good night!"

Lavi stripped his shirt and pants, leaving plaid boxers. Allen did the same, flaunting his blue boxers with flamingos all over them.

"Gee, I sure hope Kanda doesn't wear tighty whities." Lavi said loudly, looking up at the ceiling.

"That would be such a turn off. No wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend." Allen said with a wave of his hand and a coy little glance at Kanda. Allen worked very hard to suppress a loud hoot. As for Kanda, well, Kanda kind of became pink. He looked mildly embarrassed.

"I don't wear tighty whities…"

"Of course not." Lavi said. "He wears g strings."

Lenalee choked on her spit and avoided any eye contact.

Kanda nearly lost it. He turned the color of a pink rose, and seemed to cringe a little.

"Don't be stupid!" he said harshly, glaring. "I wear boxers."

"Yeah?" Allen chuckled. "Let's see 'em. I bet they're not as sexy as ours."

Kanda stood up, and stripped his shorts quickly (at this point Lenalee was burying her face in a pillow), revealing black boxers with angry faces all over them. He looked mortified, and a bright flush was blooming on his cheeks, mainly because of Lenalee behind him.

Allen nodded slowly, narrowing his eyes.

"Spiffy, Yu, spiffy." Lavi said, nodding solemnly. "Lenalee, you can look now! It's not like Kanda is walking around in a speedo."

Lenalee came back up from the pillow, bright red. She stole a glance at Kanda before shrieking.

"I-I can't look! I'm going to bed." She said shakily, pulling the white sheets over her head.

Lavi was already under the covers and sleeping by the time she said this. Lavi was blessed with the ability to sleep deeply and not be plagued by insomnia. It took less than a minute to be dreaming and out of commission until the next morning. Allen soon followed. He didn't exactly look to comfortable, since his back was on the edge of the mattress. However, he had most of the blankets because Lavi is a cheapo and tried to hoard them all. So Allen was tangled in a mass of blankets, which was perfect since the room was at sixty five degrees or so. It was epic. He leaned over and turned off the light, putting the room in darkness.

Kanda slid into bed with a soft sigh and pulled the covers up to his chest, staring at the wall for a few minutes before closing his eyes. Lenalee, sweating bullets a few feet away from him, couldn't sleep. She was too paranoid. Kanda was only a few feet away from her, and she could already hear his breathing leveling off. She, one the other hand, was wide awake. Oh, man, if Komui were to see her like this…she and Kanda would be murdered by his drill of ridiculous proportions. She could already see her brother going postal and killing everyone…Lenalee shuddered. Not a happy thought. So, she shifted to happy thoughts. They mostly involved Kanda and his swishy hair, and in a few minutes she was asleep.

And Allen promptly fell off the bed, banging his head on the bedside table. Lenalee woke up with a pounding heart, but seeing it was just Allen, who was sleeping on the floor (hopefully not dead) she went back to sleep. And about thirty minutes later, Lavi fell off the bed on the other side. He arm hit the wall, but he did not wake up.

Lenalee jumped awake again, sitting bold upright. She looked down at Kanda, whose eyes were open and he did not look happy.

"Are they stupid or something?" he said quietly, frowning. "Tch."

"No…they're just special." She said tipping her head to the side.

Kanda almost smirked.

Lenalee smiled weakly, and praying for no more interruptions, tried to go back to sleep. When Lavi started snoring, she knew she'd never sleep, so she did what Kanda did: put a pillow on top of her head and sleep like that. It blocked out the noise, but it didn't block out feeling…something fell on her stomach. But she was too sleepy to care.

* * *

Aha, I like this chapter. So many (TM)s lol.

BTW! Veiny guy and puppet lady: www. wapaamerica. com/images/shows/superXclusivo. jpg (without spaces)

**Oh, my birthday is October 4. Review to make me happy.** /advertisement


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Chronicles of Retardia

I doth not own D Gray Man.

fail chapter is fail, but oh well. Sorry for the lack of updates.

* * *

Nauseous and feeling shitty the way he did all mornings, Kanda did a double take when he saw where his arm was: Lenalee's stomach, inches below her petite chest. Kanda bit back a curse word, and made sure no one was awake. He quickly pulled his arm back, cursing his subconscious. Lenalee was on her back, knees up slightly. Thank goodness she was still in a deep sleep.

Kanda scooted away, glancing at the clock. Seven thirty a.m. He still time to pretend nothing ever happened…experimentally, he took a sniff of his arm and recoiled. The scent of flowers was stuck to his skin. Eww.

"Ohhhhh shit." Lavi moaned suddenly. "that was quite a fall, haha."

Kanda turned on his side, facing the wall, pretending to be asleep. He prayed that Lavi wouldn't notice him awake. He could hear sheets rustling as Lavi clambered back into bed clumsily.

Kanda almost sighed, but caught himself just as Lenalee started to stir. His fingers began to twitch, which was a telltale sign of nerves for him. He hid them under the covers and tried to sleep, but it was quite difficult with Allen's snoring and Lavi moving around. Even so, he managed to drift into a light enough slumber to wake up two hours later to the voice of the veiny guy on TV. Kanda nearly killed himself.

"Hmm, it seems like he's less veiny in the morning." Lavi observed. "I'll write this down. What do you think, Dr. Walker?"

"Well, let's think of it scientifically, Dr. Lavi." Allen said with quite an authoritative tone. "He's not screaming hard enough." Allen flipped a page of something with quite a flourish.

"How strange, the volume seems to be the same. Maybe he took his meds this morning?" Lavi proposed brightly.

"How unusual…maybe he had a good night last night, haha." Allen said with a naughty laugh.

"Seriously, guys, I don't think a guy like that could be married." Lenalee added.

"Who says he's married?" Lavi and Allen said, snickered loudly.

"Oh, you two…" Lenalee tsk-tsked and went about. "Stay quiet, Kanda's still sleeping."

"Actually, it's impossible to sleep with anyone around here." Kanda grumbled, rolling onto his back. He sighed and looked at the group with a tired look in his eye. It was then he noticed it was raining. No wonder he slept in so long. The sun wasn't out.

"Oh, good morning." Lenalee said. She held out a cup of juice to him. "Passion fruit. It's pretty good. I also went down to Panaderia Espana with Lavi this morning and got some sweets and sammiches and stuff."

Kanda took the cup, sipped it and made a face, handing it back to her.

"Too sour." He said curtly. He did, however, accept the soup she handed him.

"Ah! Dr. Lavi! It seems Dr. Kanda has awoken!" Allen said brightly. He turned to look at him, grinning. "Let's ask for his opinion on the Veiny Dude."

"Yes. Dr. Kanda, why do you think he's not as veiny this morning?"

"Retards. He hasn't been screaming for long enough. Last night, he had been yelling at eight. Twelve hours of screaming kills." Kanda replied. "It also depends on temperature, time of day, what he ate, and many more variables."

"Well, damn." Lavi said with a short sigh. "I suppose we fail, don't we, Allen?"

"Indeed. Oh well. Hey, look! He's going to get a wedgie from that whore over there!" Allen pointed at the TV, leaning forward with Lavi. They watched with wide eyes, erupting into hysteria when the weggie was administered.

Kanda scoffed and folded his arms, looking away. He hated it when these mofos started with that crap. He hoped they wouldn't have to do anything too social today, because felt more angsty than usual. At the same time, he felt more like he wanted to go somewhere and do something…

"So, what are we going to do today? It's raining, so the beach is out of the question if it thunders. We can always go to Plaza Las Americas, the big ass mall of the Caribbean. Or, we can drive to Luquillo and swim there…it's a nice beach. We can also go down to Ponce and Mayagüez." Lavi said, counting the options off on his fingers. "Along with that, we could go to El Morro or something, but it's rainy out…"

"I vote mall." Allen said with a straight face. However, the corners of his mouth twitched upward for a moment. Lavi smiled when he saw that.

"I think the mall would be best." Lenalee said with a considerate nod.

"Mall." Kanda said. "If it's big enough, we can all split up."

"Of course…" Allen and Lavi exchanged huge, demonic grins. "I'm going with Lavi!" He jumped off the bed and became elbow locked with Lavi. Lavi gave them all a toothy grin.

"That means you two are together."

Kanda held back a groan and Lenalee nodded slowly.

"Make sure you have money," Lavi said, "or else you're screwed. That place is like hell for people that aren't loaded." Lavi's eyes became glazed. "It's…beautiful." He snapped back to his normal demeanor. "I'm driving!"

"I want to drive." Kanda murmured, frowning a little.

"You drove last night." Allen said caustically. "Besides, the next time you drive, I'm going to need to get high off of Dramamine to prevent from throwing up everywhere."

"Go die in a fire, bean sprout."

"Ahh, actually, Allen…" Lenalee laughed nervously. "Lavi is a worse driver than Kanda. He hits the brakes too enthusiastically."

Allen made a face and hung his head.

"Are you freaking kidding me?" he moaned, stripping his pajamas. At the moment, he was scrounging around in his suitcase for clothing that wasn't his uniform. He pulled out a pair of plaid shorts and examined them at arm's length. Well, they looked clean.

"Nope." Lenalee replied. "He's much worse."

"Nuh-uh. I'm better than Kanda." Lavi said shortly, smirking.

"You failed your driving test six times, Lavi." Kanda said sharply. "I passed on the first try."

"Well, maybe the instructor was high off of Dramamine or maybe she's prejudiced! I'm a better driver, and that's final."

"Tch, you bitch." Kanda turned to Lavi, eyes burning. "You want to prove that?"

"Nope. We all know I'm better…"

Lenalee gave a pointed sigh and fixed her hair for the millionth time today while Allen put on his pants in the midst of the argument unconcernedly.

"So, Lenalee. Do you think a navy shirt would go with this?"

Lenalee looked down at the shorts he wore, which were dark red, navy, and gray plaid on a white background. She liked them, actually.

"Navy, red or gray, as long as the gray is dark enough. I'd go with red…"

Allen grinned and pulled a wrinkled red polo shirt from out of his suitcase and pulled it over his head. Lenalee looked at him, and she noticed he looked quite preppy. Lavi too. But Lavi was wearing jeans and a blue and white striped dress shirt over a white undershirt. As for Kanda…Kanda wasn't dressed yet. He was whipping Lavi with a brown polo while Lavi threw pillows at him, announcing his driving feats. So Lenalee looked away and decided to become very interested in the veiny dude on TV.

"Are we going yet?" Allen asked loudly. He dodged part of Kanda's uniform as it pelted Lavi in the face. "Seriously, guys!"

"Oh." Lavi threw the uniform off of him, and it landed in a corner near the door. "Right! Well, Kanda, get dressed. I have the keys, so HA. I'm driving."

Kanda made a face and pulled his abused polo over his head while Lavi ransacked his suitcase once again and threw a pair of shorts at him brusquely. Allen decided to join him in the process of ransacking. However, the most interesting thing they found was a blue toothbrush.

"You know, when I get my license," Lenalee whispered to Allen as they walked out of the hotel room, "I'm going to drive."

Allen chuckled in agreement and beat Lavi to the elevator. They hopped in, and went out to the parking lot. Of course, Lavi had to give one of the women in the lobby his sexy look, but once outside they found themselves under a torrent of rain.

"Well, crap." Lavi scratched his head and nodded. "It appears to me that we are under heavy rains."

"No shit." Kanda said blankly.

"I'll go get the car. You guys wait here." Lavi took off under the torrent, running to get the car.

Allen turned to a Kanda with a polite yet possessed look on his sweet little face.

"If you dare make a move on Lenalee, I think I will have to eat your face." Allen said with a few nods. He tipped his head to the side and smiled. Lenalee smacked her forehead.

"Tch. I would never make a move on her." He said caustically. Kanda folded his arms and look over the horizon, dismissing himself from the conversation. Lenalee harrumphed loudly and shot Allen a frenetic glare. Allen just shrugged as winced as Lavi nearly ran over them. Of course, he was attempting to pull up close to them, but it was truly epic fail.

"Hey BABES!" Lavi screamed as he rolled down the window. Thank god they had put the hood of the car up last night, or else Lavi would've had quite a fee to pay the car rentals.

Kanda rolled his eyes and Lenalee sighed.

"Hey, babe!" Allen said with a flourish of his hand. He winked at Lavi and giggled like a valley girl. He pulled the door open and climbed in behind Lavi. Lenalee followed, and as soon as Kanda's leg was in the car, Lavi took off speeding in the parking lot. Right then, Allen wished he did have some Dramamine.

-

-

By the time they were halfway to the mall, the passengers were not happy campers. After much swerving, braking, and speeding, paired with the bumpy streets of Puerto Rico, even Kanda was a little bit carsick. He was leaning against the window, chin in hand, and looked quite sour as his skin started to whiten with nausea. Allen was near throwing up and Lenalee had given up trying to keep pained moans in. She was suffering from menstrual cramps and carsickness, which was not at all a good combination. Allen was about bursting with the breakfast he ate. And Kanda, Kanda was staring at the ignition. He was tempted to shove Lavi onto the highway and take over. He could already feel something rising ominously near the stomach area.

"Lavi, could you please drive normally?" Allen asked in a tight little voice. He clamped a hand over his mouth as Lavi swerved around another car.

"Seriously, Lavi! Please!" Lenalee pleaded.

"Oh, you two. This _is_ my normal driving."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Kanda demanded with evident exasperation. He could just about slap Lavi right now. And he was going to, but Lavi veered to the right with such force the air was knocked out of him as he hit the door.

"Of course not!" Lavi said with a laugh. "Man, I wonder why I failed six times…I am such a good driver!" Judging by the genuine grin on his face, he was not being sarcastic.

"I wonder, too!" Allen practically screamed. Sarcasm was burning in his voice. "But I have an answer to that question: It's because your driving _sucks_!"

"Ahaha, I don't think so." Lavi said. He sped up dramatically and then slammed the brakes.

"Damn it!" Lenalee shrieked. Lavi and Allen looked at her I surprise. It was not often she swore, and it was not often she held people by their necks. "Lavi, oh my God, I am about to shoot you!"

"Yes, please!" Allen moaned. He suddenly grimaced. "Oh, crap, here it comes…"

"Lavi!" Lenalee said in tearless sobs. She tightened her grip and Lavi panicked.

"What?" he said, letting go of the steering wheel to get her hands off of his neck. Kanda jumped into action, taking hold of the steering wheel while havoc began in the tiny car. Lavi was going so fast, it was hard to keep the car in control. Kanda gritted his teeth and did the best he could, though the angle he was at didn't help either.

"Lenalee, let go of him." Kanda said calmly.

"But…but…" her face was red and sweaty, and she looked like she was in severe PMS. Which she was. "His driving is making me nauseous!"

"Same here…" Allen groaned. He wiped cold sweat off his forehead and swallowed the rising breakfast reluctantly. "I should throw up on him when the time comes."

Kanda frowned at Lavi and said placidly, but firmly, "Lavi, pull over and let me take the wheel."

"No!" Lavi said, gripping the steering wheel fiercely. "I want to drive and that's final!"

"Fuck…" Kanda moaned, leaning back against his seat.

"Let's all throw up on Lavi!" Lenalee said angrily. "That should teach him a lesson."

Lavi turned around, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

"You wouldn't—"

"_Eyes on the road_," Kanda said severely. He enunciated each syllable loudly and harshly. Clearly, he was quite angry at the whole situation. Kanda glowered at Lavi with wrathful eyes.

Lavi turned back around to avoid his death…keeping his_ eyes on the road._

"We would." Allen replied sluggishly, putting a hand to his temple.

"You couldn't!" Lavi said in a high pitched voice.

"Actually, maybe I couldn't, but Allen can. Right, Allen?" Lenalee said, nudging Allen lightly. Allen tried to smile, but it looked like he was baring his teeth instead.

"I don't care!" Lavi said, shaking his head vigorously. "I'm still going to drive."

Lenalee gave a disconsolate wail and fell back into her seat. Her head ended up on her knees and Allen was almost sure she was crying or something. But Allen couldn't keep looking at her for too long, because he was feeling worse and worse. Cars were passing by, Lavi was moving around cars, stepping on the brakes for no apparent reason. Allen pulled his knees up to his body and rested his sweaty forehead there. Kanda was slouching in his seat, arms folded tightly around his stomach. He was just staring straight ahead, wondering how long he could keep his breakfast down before he dumped it all over Lavi. Not a bad idea.

-

-

"We're heeeeeeeeeeere!" Lavi sang, veering right into the parking lot with a ridiculously sharp turn. He almost killed two pedestrians and gave his passengers whiplash as he pulled into a parking lot with a loud screech. Lavi beamed at them all, turning off the ignition. He surveyed his passengers pleasantly. Lenalee was red in the face, and she leaned against the window with her eyes half closed and her mouth hanging open. Allen was shaky, green, and had both hands clamped over his mouth. Lavi's smile fell a little bit. He turned to Kanda, who looked similar to Allen in appearance. Of course, Kanda looked angry and Allen did not.

"Wow, that was great." Lavi said with a nod. He pulled the key out of the ignition, only to have the keys snatched from him by Kanda. Kanda pocketed the key wordlessly.

"Hey, let my stomach settle real fast…" Allen said quietly. "If I move I'm puke all over…all over eyerything, ugh."

"Same here." Lenalee said in a distant tone of voice.

"You're the shittiest driver ever." Kanda muttered.

Lavi made a face. He looked at them all again. It looked like he was about to apologize, but then he shrugged and sighed with pure satisfaction. A few minutes passed, and Lenalee declared herself cured of carsickness. It was, however, ten minutes later that Allen could actually talk and walk without feeling terrible. Kanda didn't say anything, but he just followed the group as they entered the mall via JCPenny™. To Lenalee's chagrin, they happened to enter through the Lingerie department. Lavi's eyes popped out and Allen wasn't exactly being discrete about looking at the bras either. Kanda was completely ignorant of their surroundings, which was certainly not a bad thing in this case.

The made it through the store and ended up at the front, leaving a wide opening to the large, classy mall that was overridden with teenagers and crowds of people.

"Alright. Lenalee, you're with Yu. Scurry off now! We'll meet at the food court, uhh…whenever. Let's go, Allen!" Lavi took Allen by the arm and ran off somewhere. Lenalee lost track of them as soon as they turned a corner, leaving her with the stone faced Kanda.

"Where would you like to go?" she asked, giving him a little push to make him start walking. The two walked next to each other at a leisurely pace.

"Tch. Doesn't matter to me." Kanda muttered, looking around.

"Oh…in that case, we're going to Victoria's Secret™." Lenalee said decidedly.

Lavi and Allen stood in front of the mall's map stupidly, gawking at the bright colors representing different stores and squinting to the read the letters. Too bad it was all in Spanish, and they had no idea if the arrow that was pointed at a space in a pavilion meant "You are here". They were scanning the area for a candy shop.

"Seriously, Lavi. How sure are you there's a candy store here?"

"One hundred percent." Lavi grunted, scowling. "I passed by it the other day. The thing is, I don't remember where it's at, ahh…"

"Wait. I thought you said you had a good memory!" Allen said, groaning.

"I do!" Lavi said with an eager nod. "But I saw a hot girl and it all went downhill from here." He waved a hand and grinned sheepishly while Allen banged his head against the sign three times before recuperating from Lavi's words.

"AHA!" Lavi yelled, jabbing the sign with his index finger. "Found it!"

"Great! Where's it at?"

"Somewhere near Victoria's Secret—" Lavi looked at Allen and waggled his eyebrows, to which Allen replied with a seductive purr-laugh thing that made Lavi laugh just because it sounded so wrong coming from him. "—which is like killing two birds with one stone." Lavi continued. "Maybe I can go in there, buy a thong, and put it in Kanda's suitcase…all for the lulz."

"Not a bad idea," Allen chuckled. He and Lavi began to walk toward their destination, which was on the second story. Their eyes were peeled for stairs or elevators, since the mall was a sprawling, three story paradise. Apparently, the candy store was next to a fancy shoe store…neither of them remembered the name, but they assumed they'd find it eventually.

The mall had a pet store. A PET STORE. It had everything.

They would have to find it at some point it time. It's not like they'd get lost or anything, especially with Lavi in the lead. But with Allen's sense of direction that could've been a woman's, they probably would get lost. Of course, that was quickly forgotten when they saw a nice store selling anime merchandise. The two exchanged oversized smiles and darted in.

-

-

Kanda was trying to fight against Lenalee, but he didn't have the heart. She was pulling him into Victoria's secret with an iron grip around his wrist and she was not letting go. She looked at him with pout over her shoulder at times, and Kanda replied with a softened glower—for some reason, he could not bring himself to be rude to girls. So, losing a battle like a man, he was dragged into Victoria's Secret™.

At once, Kanda was blinded by pink and Pink™. His eyes started to burn with the perfumes and bras were practically falling on him…pink panties…but then he realized he was having a panic attack and just cooled down. This wasn't a big deal. It was only lingerie with dazzlingly bright colors and jewels and stuff. He had faced much bigger, stronger, harder enemies than this. Kanda could handle it. What he couldn't handle was when Lenalee shoved some pink, stripy panties in his arms.

"Hold that," she said, pointing at the underwear. She scowled a little and went back to digging through doors of underwear while Kanda stood there, mouth ajar. He wasn't making sense of why he was holding panties. Pink panties. A male, in a female store. With a female. Shoving panties in his arms…

Kanda shuddered and moved aside as some girls holding ridiculous amounts of shopping bags passed by. Unfortunately, there was no way to be discreet in this situation. So Kanda did what any teenaged male would do: hit and run.

Kanda, looking around to make sure Lenalee wasn't watching, gently set the panties down on a bra rack, making a swift move to the exit until Lenalee caught his sleeve and dragged him back in.

"Hey, I wanted your opinion on these." Lenalee said. She held out a pair of panties, decorated with hearts and stars and dogs. A serious look was in her eye and she was looking right into his eyes. Kanda gave a noncommittal grunt.

"Alright, how about these?"

Lenalee held a bra, pink with white polka dots.

Kanda cringed. It was tough to picture Lenalee wearing that…well, it wasn't. He just had no romantic interest in Lenalee and underwear didn't faze him.

"Am I supposed to care?" he asked, grimacing slightly. He was beginning to attract looks from the other customers, mainly because they were females. One even winked at him. He decided to stick to Lenalee, because purses do more damage than one thinks.

"Yes!" Lenalee cried, throwing the bra at him. Kanda pulled it off of his head gingerly. "Hold that! I'm going to go get some perfume…"

Kanda scoffed and looked around, eyeing the exit. But what he saw made him feel like running back into the store. Lavi and Allen were walking by, and they were staring into the store with wide eyes. Allen had his naive little look and Lavi had a weird, dreamy smile on his face. Kanda hid behind a rack of bra-panty combos.

"Wow, look at that." Lavi muttered.

"I know. Ah, crap. Let's go get that candy." Allen replied, dragging Lavi along.

Kanda scowled. He had a gut feeling he knew what they were up to. He turned to Lenalee, who was up at the front, asking the ladies if they had her size in something…

-

-

Lavi and Allen strolled into the candy store, discreetly hiding mischievous smiles and bags with some anime merchandise. No one noticed them come in, which was perfect since they didn't need to attract attention. Allen and Lavi crept to the corner of the store, where they saw some nonpareils and some creamy mint thingies with sprinkles on them. Lavi took a plastic bag and scooped some into it.

"Hey, Allen. Let's not look suspicious. Go get your own bag and get anything that is pink and looks sticky. Also, get some gum. We'll need some glue…"

Allen nodded and walked calmly to the other side of the store, where the concentration of pink was startlingly high. He blinked a few times; his eyes were starting to sting, but nonetheless he put just about everything in there until the bag was threatening to break. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Lavi at the cash register, and even from the distance Allen could see his eyebrow twitching.

"Diez dolares, por favor…" the cashier mumbled.

Lavi threw the money at her and darted out of the store, winking at Allen.

Allen went up to the cashier paid, and double bagged the bag of candy, following Lavi and leaving the store quickly. Unfortunately, he tripped over a rack of huge gummy racks, knocking it out into the mall. Allen just squealed like a hurt pig and sprinted into the store next door, where he ran right into someone, headfirst.

"Ow!"

-

-

"Are we done yet?"

Lenalee threw a horrid glare at Kanda over her shoulder. He was facing the demon on PMS for the first time in his life, and Kanda was not so sure he wanted to get married if this was what he'd have to deal with monthly.

"No," she replied. Poison was dripping off her words. "We're not done yet. You have to learn to be patient, Kandy Panty."

"Can I just leave?" he demanded in exasperation. He regretted saying that when Lenalee gave him that demonic look once again. He suppressed a shudder, and averted her gaze angrily. Though, looking at her would be much better than looking at some giant pink dog that was hanging out a basket full of shirts precariously. He scowled at it, resisting the urge to throw it at Lenalee.

Some fifteen minutes later, Lenalee paraded out of Victoria's Secret with a bright pink bag in a hand and a smug little look on her face. Kanda walked next to her, arms folded and quite clearly pissed off.

"Now what?" he muttered.

"Aeropostale™!" She answered, speeding up her pace.

Kanda made a face and made sure to not lose sight of her in the crowds of people. It was easy to lose her, due to her dark hair and small frame. Kanda lengthened his strides and followed her—she seemed to know where she was going.

-

-

An hour or so later, Lavi and Allen, poor, out of money, and hungry, were sharing a drink reluctantly. Allen was too afraid of catching some freak disease, so he wallowed in his hunger and just stared straight ahead. He couldn't risk looking at food. He knew he would swipe it and eat it all. But, since he had no money, and Lavi left his trusty credit card in the hotel, they were stuck hanging around with their anime merchandise and five pounds of candy. Allen was picking at a stain on the table absentmindedly when Lavi spoke up.

"Hey, look at that. Yu and Lenalee are here." He said, amused. Lavi waved them over. Allen turned around, and was amused to see that Kanda was holding a large Victoria's Secret bag and another large bag from Bath an even bigger one from Aeropostale. She was using him a slave, that was for sure. Catching sight of them, she grabbed Kanda's arm and dragged him to the table.

"Well, well, well!" Allen purred. "Look what we have here."

"A slave, eh?" Lavi winked at Lenalee. "Good work. Kanda makes for a good one doesn't he?"

"Shut the fuck up, faggot."

"Hmm, an angry little worker." Lavi said pointedly, tsk-tsking. "Oh well."

"Right, whatever." Lenalee brushed their comments off. "Why aren't you guys eating anything?"

"Oh." Allen laughed sheepishly, holding up the anime stuff. "That's why. See, we kind of when mental when we saw that store. So Lavi blew all his money. Lavi bought a lot of crap for me because he's my best friend forever." Allen and Lavi nodded to prove his point. "And he left his credit card at the hotel."

"Ahh, that sucks." Lenalee agreed, sitting down next to Allen. "What should we do next?"

"Well, it seems the weather is acting up and it's raining." Lavi replied. "In fact, it's been thundering."

"Cool." Allen said. "Does that mean—"

"Allen, it means we basically have no choice but to screw around in the hotel or go somewhere else, as long as it's indoors." Lenalee said shortly. She twirled a short strand of hair around her finger and sighed.

"Oh. I see. Let's go back to the hotel—" Lavi began.

"I'm driving!" Kanda said sharply, whipping the keys out of his pocket. He held them close to his body and shot a cold glare at Lavi.

Allen almost cried out in joy.

Lenalee sighed and felt her cramps fade away.

Lavi just groaned and folded his arms angrily.

"FINE." Lavi said loudly, attracting gawks from other people. "You hog the wheel."

"Don't worry, I will." Kanda said coolly, standing up from the chair. He had one second of freedom before Lenalee forced bags into his arms. Allen decided to use him too, but Kanda just threw the bag back on the ground and started a fast, erratic walk back to the car with the group on his heels.

-

-

The hotel was relatively deserted when they returned. Kanda's driving skills proved to be spectacular in every way compared to Lavi's. The only problem was the fact he had to be at least five miles per hour over the speed limit or else he'd have a slight mental attack. He could not bring himself to stay on par with the speed limit.

"Kanda, you're going a bit fast. You don't want to get a ticket in Puerto Rico, do you? Your vacation would be ruined." Lenalee pointed out gently.

"What vacation? This is a mission." Kanda said, shooting her a suspicious, wondering look.

"O-Oh, right, yes, a mission!" Lenalee laughed a nervous, high pitched laugh and sank back into her seat, mentally killing herself. She could feel the looks from Lavi and Allen on her and glanced at them apologetically.

"You're going too fast…" Lavi warned sincerely. He pointed to the speedometer.

"Shut up!" Kanda said sharply. He threw a quick glare at Lavi. "I'm only six miles over! You were a good fucking ten miles over, faggot. And the cops never caught you."

"Well, I'm just saying…" Lavi said defensively. "If we—you—get caught, we're all screwed. I think."

"Well, whatever, we'll be screwed together." Allen gave everyone a bright, pretty smile. Kanda shot him a glare before Lavi interrupted.

"_Eyes on the road_, Yu." He said, imitating Kanda's irritating growl accurately.

"Finger up your ass, bitch." Kanda waved his middle finger in Lavi's face. Allen bit his lip to keep from laughing—the image of Kanda executing a rectal exam was quite amusing. He could see Kanda walking around in scrubs with gloves on his hands. The index finger on his right hand would be extended, and he'd be all like "lay on your side, fag, and don't go screaming'. Allen gave a hoot of laughter, clamping a hand over his mouth when everyone's heads snapped to look at him curiously.

Allen smiled at them sheepishly, and sank into his seat. He gave a few nervous laughs.

"Don't mind me…" he mumbled.

Silence followed Allen's little outburst.

"Hmm, Yu, I want some alcohol. There's a liquor store over there." Lavi said suddenly, propping his feet on the dashboard absentmindedly.

"Alright," Kanda said demurely, "let's stop. I'm craving some vodka myself."

* * *

Failfailfailfail. Sorry guys.


End file.
